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The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds familiar ... you are welcome to join us.

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Intuition about people

Okay, I know it's best not to judge, but being an HSP and being highly observant, I tend to see traits that people posess. It may take non-HSP's forever to notice; meanwhile, it'll drive me bonkers (Can't you folks see that this person is manipulative? Can't you folks hear that this person talks only of himself?) And you know what? I know that as an hsp, I tend to read into things too much, but with reference to character traits, I end up dead-on.

Anyone else with a similar experience?

Replies

Group FounderJanvier
Janvier

I am highly observant & intuitive so it is easy for me to "read" the people I am with. I think we all do this but some of us are much more aware of it.

I don't judge other people. We all have strengths & weaknesses. None of us are "perfect". We all make mistakes. We're all learning.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Well, I don't necessarily see it as judging. For example, if someone lives a lifestyle that is contrary to mine, I say "peace to you."

However, in the same vein, people are who they are. So a manipulator is a manipulator. If something/someone is rubbing me the wrong way, I think it's my intuition telling me to watch out. Isn't it good to know before getting hurt by someone? E.g. I have often ignored intuition about co-workers or bosses, but as I got to know who these people really were, I regretted ignoring my initial instincts. There always seems to be red flags, and as HSPs we pick up on them more easily.
deleted_user
deleted_user

yes, getting older has made me wiser, I hope. Initial impressions are usually the right impression---ignore them at your own peril. The trick is to remain civilized and humble , knowing we are all fallible. Judging is a no-no.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes! I am the same way
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Hanni,

I agree with you 100%,I don't regard it as "judging" either..it's just..knowing what you know.

I'm pretty good at reading people and if I get bad vibes from anyone,I know it's my intuition,gut feeling..whatever you want to call it..warning me for my own self protection..and I would say always listen to that inner knowing..the only times I've got myself in trouble..is when I've ignored it,and it always turned out that I was right all along!

Yes its a great thing to have if we listen to it..it can save you alot of hurt and heartache.

Hugs
Sharon xoxo
deleted_user
deleted_user

I wonder if other people know that we HSP's are here? People just spout out words, do they know what their words sound like to us? So much crap!! I don't think we HSP's judge, we just feel so much more deeply than others. You meet someone, they pretend to be your friend, and then BAM!!! They expect us to be their personal whipping boy. (so to speak). It makes me want to vomit!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I just tend to follow my gut most of the time and stay observant as well. I have learned for myself that is, it is better for me to follow my gut instinct at first impression of someone but also keep a window open as I have seen some 180 degree turns that surprised me.
Weissdorn
Weissdorn

(I am chuckling when I read this)

"Okay, I know it's best not to judge, but being an HSP and being highly observant, I tend to see traits that people posess."

Recently it has been my experience that many self-help support groups have conjured this "being judgemental is being sinful" concept into the world. Either I no longer really understand what it means when people say being judgemental is a vice, or this is new psycho mumbo-jumbo.

I don't know about you, but I actually try to be judgmental about things I do. In fact I consider being judgemental the opposite of being confused or uncertain. I have a inner personal value scale I attempt to keep intact and feed regularly and ask myself constant questions, like: "Do I agree with what that person said?" "Do I really want to buy this in that colour?" "Is this something I really feel comfortable doing?"

And yes, I, like many people make judgements, or deteriminations, such as "Does everyone else fail to notice that this person is a syphocant, or hypocriical?" or "I know exactly what makes him such an irrestable attractive person to talk to or share compay with, and it's not his perfect smile".

For heavens' sake! Give yourself a break! You really cannot help being judgemental, and it's perfectly human! And remember that people who are not judgmental are easy prey for fraudulant criminals, religious or idealogical sects and cults, or subversive political propaganda! As P.T. Barnum once said, "There's a sucker born every minute!" He was referring specifically to the non-judgemental (and non-critical) people.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Way to go Weissdom!

Thank God its not just me then..being kind and non judgemental has got me into alot of hot water over the years and made me a target for all kinds of abusive people..I've been in any number of "spiritual" groups ,where the minute they didn't like me speaking my mind,they've used the "you're being judgemental" line as a way to get me to shut up!

I see what I see and like you I don't regard that as some sort of "sin"

If it protects me and keeps me safe,then I don't care what other people think..

It's so good to see someone agreeing with me for once,if only more people had your view :)

Hugs
Sharonxoxo
Group FounderJanvier
Janvier

Well this is an interesting conversation. I always thought "being judgemental" was a horrible trait...but I see what you both mean...it's really necessary to be judgemental. Good point to remember & so obvious to me now.
deleted_user
deleted_user

This is an interesting conversation and I can see both sides to the issue. I have always remembered a quote that I rather like, "Those who know me will never judge me, and those who judge me will never know me." For myself I try to apply that quote whenever I meet new people or discuss a topic where there are many different views. I do however think it is human nature for everyone to perceive a thought or feeling about another person by the way they speak, dress or even look. I don't know if I would call that being judgmental but more of a curiosity or uncertainty about that particular person.

I think there are times when you see certain behavior from another person that pretty much narrows it right down to what type of person they are. Usually for me that means I see them acting inappropriately or being rude to others, or might see their behavior as being shifty therefore I will tend to be more on guard when I am around these types of people. Perhaps that might be judgmental but I am not so sure.

I guess for me being judgmental means I have already made up my mind and there is no changing it and it means I am immune to hearing another side. Doesn't sound so good when worded like that I know but I also do not think being judgmental is bad thing either. For example if I were to see a person hurting another intentionally you bet my mind is made up and I don't like you, never will and there is no changing my mind. I don't care if it was the pope himself if he deliberately hurt another with his words or actions I am just not going to like him.

When faced with a decision as to what is right for me to do personally and I decide to go against the majority well to me that just means I have made the best decision for myself. If I don't like something it just means I don't like it simple as that. It does not make me think to automatically think the rest of the crowd are people not worth my time because they chose to do something I wouldn't. It all just depends on the action and the behavior and what is acceptable to me.

I also think that since I am highly sensitive I have to keep an open mind on certain issues. For example I don't like fishing you know why? It bothers me to see fish struggling for their last breath it always has. Some people think I am utterly nutso in feeling that way does that make them judgmental? I am not sure. I know that for myself I am certainly am not going to judge another person and think they are not a good person just because they enjoy fishing and do not feel the same way I do about it. It takes a whole lot more for me to be judgmental and not like you. We all have different things we are highly sensitive about and I think we all tend to react different ways to certain people and the behavior they display to us on our feelings of sensitivity.

I just think everyone has to be judgmental from time to time on certain issues but to use it too much could be your downfall as well. Everything in moderation is what works best for me. Just my thoughts mind you:)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Janvier,

I was thinking about this last night and this is the way I see it.

To me being judgemental would be making a judegement on someone you didn't know and hadn't met properly..

Say for example a friend points out a woman you don't know and tells you she's had her children taken into care..if you immediately think she is a terrible person,then that,imo is making a judgement..you are judging the facts only ..you do not know this womans story or what led to her children being taken away..

Now if you meet someone face to face and you're getting negative vibes..or if something they say is putting up red flags,and you can read facial expression,body language etc..then that is not being judgemental..that is called being Discerning in my book ;)

Hope you can understand the point I'm trying to make xxxx
Group FounderJanvier
Janvier

AshantiRose

Well said...I do understand & I agree. Very helpful.

Thank you xxx
Weissdorn
Weissdorn

Okay....

I am going to separate a couple of things:

There is prejudice - that is passing a general judgement based on the group of people a certain invidual belongs to, and the information is usually based on fallacies. Examples: All Texans are rednecks; all British are polite; all Germans have no sense of humour.

Well in the above cases, I have met intellects from Texas, tourists in Spain from Britain who were so rude that "rudeness" was an understatement; and anyone who cannot laugh at the German comedian Michael Mittemeier is clinically dead.

Next we have two kinds of judgement: my judgement and other peoples' judgement. Last year I had a job covering for someone on year-long pregnancy and baby leave. She pointed out two new colleagues to me.

"That's the 'good' Mr Schmidt, and that's the 'bad' Mr Schmidt", she said.

"Why is the one 'good' and the other 'bad?" I asked.

"Well... uh... never mind. You'll find out soon enough", she answered cryptically.

"Well, if you don't mind, I would rather make up my own mind if there are two 'good' Mr. Schmidts or two 'bad' Mr Schmidts, or which one is 'good' and which one is 'bad'", I stated.

She frowned, with her mouth corners drawn tight, peeved that I was not accepting her judgement. I was finding out that she tended to not like people who did not accept her judgement at face value, and it seemed we were not going to like each other.

Later I did pass my own judgement over the "bad" Mr Schmidt. For me he was a "good" Mr Schmidt. But then I sort of knew he was going to be one from the very beginning. The old "antennea" told me in the first place. It also told me that I was lucky that I would not have to work together very long with the women going on child leave, because she seemed like a manipulative person. Her obvious disappointment that I might get along with people she detested was evidence enough.
April3third
April3third

As extremely sensitive people I think we pick up on clues about people all over the place from body language, to facial expressions, to tone of voice, to self centered conversations, to evasive answers to non personal questions, and often to things "we cannot put our fingers on" that just don't seem right. I have learned to take into account these things. At the same time I think we are quick to see the good traits- empathy, nurturing nature, kindness, sharing of conversation, warmth, generosity of spirit and so many more. Have you ever had the experience of just meeting someone and somehow you just "click" and become close friends in a very short time? Kindred spirits or whatever else you may call it. Some of my best friends are very different from me but we connect on many levels. It makes life interesting I think. Do you?