this is a long story be warned


my high school years are different from everyone elses.
my peers are smiling everyday, while i cant.
when im ever in school i get dogged by people asking where i was, i was absent i have no excuse.

school is a fake institution, i realized this in the third grade and never went as much as i should have,
i have only been to my first peroid class once, i cut alot not as much now though...

i started wilson tech, half day there and half day back at my school.

im doomed now, i wasnt before but time doesnt wait for me to catch up and its left be behind, im stuck, i hate teens today, teens are just as fake as the institution they follow, most of you people who are teens i would hate in real life.

i just want to live as life has intended.
im a child of the earth, earth is my mother.
though my real mother is worse off than me, she is surrounded by tragedy left and right.
her first husband(my father) beat her, i never lived with him.
we first lived in an apartment/living establishment for some years, maybe 4 years where i used to catch bugs and toads, or be a kid even though i didnt have many friends nature was my friend.

we then moved to my grandmothers house, not sure why but i think the cost of living had to do with it.
i lived there for a long time, at least till i was 14, in the latter years my mom moved out and lived with my at the time step dad in a different town, i stayed because i didnt want to switch schools (even though my old school was a hell to me)
i lived with my cousins at my grandmas, i was close to one of my cousins ever since i was born but he is flawed and always tries to impress people, he is fake also.

the school then found out i was living where i wasnt supposted to be and kicked me out.
i moved in with my mom and step dad/sister too.
things were easier, it seemed.
little fights here and there nothing big.
then my step dad had a seizure when i was home alone with him, i called my mom and she told me to call 911. he recovered but couldnt remember it.
then when i was out he did it again, this time he died, right near my mother...
i was told for some time that he died of a plain "seizure" but i knew this wasnt true.
i was later told he died of alcohol poisioning.
my mom always argued with him about drinking, how he should stop because his family had problems with it to begin with. after his first seizure he promised to her and swore he'd quit drinking, he did for some time but then he died of it. ironic.

fast foward about a year and my sister starts having problems with crack, shes dating a 50 year old (who introduced her to crack) and he eventually starts to live in my house.
my mother didnt know about the crack but i did, i knew that the man living with us was a crackhead too...that guilt still brings me to tears, my poor mother was harboring him and I KNEW but i didnt say anything, i smoked weed at the time and didnt want my sister to tell my mom, i didnt want my mom knowing because it would make her upset, she wouldnt understand.

well the 50 year old boyfriend robbed me dry, i didnt know who it was at the time i was a fool, i didnt realize he did it.
he stole my videogame consoles mostly, the only things i used to escape, was to play my favorite games sometimes all night long or with friends.
n64, ps2, xbox, and a gameboy was what he stole..and other small things...

my mom realized he was no good and my sister wasnt either so he was kicked out after raping our resources for months.
in the next year everything was centered around my sister, that self centered fool, me and my mother couldnt concentrate on our lives because we had to take care of my crack head sister like a baby.
she used to run away on a weekly basis, fucking retarded. my mother was blown to shit, all of this was too much for us.
as we tried to take care of her we diverted attention from our own lives, we grew jaded.
this was one of the saddest years i ever experienced. i had no one, my friends/dealers betrayed me, i still hung out with my cousin and a few select friends, but really, i had no one.

after all of this, which took so long to pass, so long,
my sis's boyfriend went to jail eventually for like a year, my mom had to cut the mail communication in fear that my sis still liked him.

my sis found a new boyfriend(i think he smoked crack at one point) and eventually moved into an apartment with him, he seemed better , he wasnt 50, and had a job.

me and my mom were then alone. like dust settling after a fight.
we only had each other even though sometimes we fought on a daily basis, i still cared about her.
i had NO one, no one at all. i had fear and then i had highschool...my junior year, my freshman and sophmore years were horrible, i had no credits by the time i was in junior year, my attendance was and is horrible
a few months pass, nothing changed just the complaints from guidance counslers and teachers, i was then put into wilson tech to get some credits

this is where i am now. only worse, i just missed school again today and googled "im never in school" so i found this site, this site is for teens who complain about acne and "addictions" which i hate , i hate sites about complaining, but i figured ill leave my story here..

now i still have no one, and no matter who reads this i have no one, i just wish to be alone far away, my dream is to live on a sail boat, away from everyone...i plan on sailing past europe and living in japan, ill find an isolated woods where i can finally lay my head down to sleep, even if no one is there with me.

but i realized now, if i fall, no one will catch me and i will continue to fall through time, like i am doing.