I have always, always been very mature for my age. i don't even look my age. it's been difficult for me to keep friends around my age because of this. My brother is four years older than me and basically I hang out with all of his friends. They are all over 21, mind i am JUST graduating high school. I go out to bars with them and parties and such. now me and his friend Damien have had a little thing forever, and we've hooked up before once or twice but nobody knows this. Billy was supposed to go to my prom with me but i didn't want him to go and wanted to find another date because what he told me was, "i guess i will go if you cant find another date" which meant to me i don't want to go but i guess i will if i have to. so i was like forget it. and recently i've had another thing with a friend of my brothers, jake, which we have gone much further than hooking up. and that was all it was and i was fine with that. for about a month and a half we have been fooling around and about 3 weeks ago i asked him if he would come to my prom with me. he said yes. today, a week before my prom, after i paid for two tickets, two limo seats, $275 for two people go to the after prom house, he TEXTS me and says "okay...so. I really cant go to your prom. im really sorry." for a quick second i thought it was a joke because he was kidding around a while ago saying im not going unless your brother knows, but i told him he already did. now i just feel like an idiot. was he afraid i'd get mad for saying he cant go, or was he planning not to go all along and just wanted another fuck or two before he bailed on me? i don't understand. if he is afraid that i think our little thing is going somewhere and i want a relationship out of this? he needs to get over himself. i have never showed that kind of affection towards him. I already told Damien he was off prom duty because i was taking Jake, and i put it that way so it wasn't like "i found someone better". i honestly pick the worst guys out and i feel like the main reason is because of age because i am a cool person to hang out with, i'm down to earth and a lot of fun and i have enough confidence in myself to say that about me without feeling cocky. other people tell me that all the time too. i'm not one of those over obsessive clingy girls, i give you your space and i don't really complain about anything because i have almost the same mentality as a guy. there has to be something wrong with me though. this isn't the first, second or even third time i stupidly let some dumb guy walk all over me. is it really that easy to walk right in and out of my life? my prom is next week, where the hell am i supposed to find a decent date? i don't know any guys my age, i go to an all fucking girls school. every single boy i hang out with is over 21. what the hell do i tell jake when i see him, because he STILL has not explained "why he cant go".
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