when I was 16 my best friend was 19 and a heroin addict. When she'd spend the night I would let her shoot up in my room because it killed me to watch her cry herself to sleep. The first day I met her we smocked crack together and were inseperable. She went to school work and slept with me. I only did crack once, but then we started taking three or four e pills a day. And then after a few months of that then my boyfriend who happened to be running a drug ring with his friends started buying us 8 balls of coke every night to do. a few months went by with that and everyone got busted. my boyfriend got off because he was a minor though. The money flow stopped and we were left to being happy with a graham of weed, except my boyfriend mom is in severe pain and has a deloted pump and a morphine pump in her body and takes tons of pain meds. so Since he moved back into her house we started stealing her pills that she didn't take, starting with like 500 deloted. became addicted to oppiates.Started blowing through five hundred dollars a week on oxycotin. then finally every once in a while would get a bag of dope. I was the first one to cross the line into the "never coming back" territory. my boyfriends brother was diabetic so I stole some of his needles and started shooting up. from there it was all downhll. it went from doing a bag here and there and getting so fucked up I'd puke so now were I'm doing at least two bags a day and usually doing about .5 in a day every day if I have enough money. it sucks. I'm just now starting to realize the gravity of the situation because I have no money. i put my t.v., my computer, both on cash loan. I use all my cash to buy drugs and I'm running up my credit card bills. it's fucking horrible.I seriously want to stop but I just can't....I almost even want to go to rehab but that would kill my parents. honestly I have no clue why I ever started either..... and now it's fucking too hard to stop. I od too but managed to stay concious somehow. My entire body was blue and purple and my arm was like the size of a freakin watermelon and I couldn't breathe. I drove myself to the hospitol and blasted through two whole inhalers on the way there becuase I couldn't breathe. I ran inside and wearing a hoodie to cover my arm, told them I was having an allergy attack because I really didnt care if I had to have my arm cut off from the viens getting fucked up or swelling, all I cared about was the fact my lungs were closing. after about thirty minutes on a nebulizer and being injected with steroids I finally managed to start breathing normally again. And what's sad is that I shot up the next day

i feel your pain girl.

its like a vicious cycle having a drug addiction!

i know what you mean by...'never coming back' as well.

all the best kelsa and try and be strong.its hard i know.

Life used to suck for me. Failed rehab's, jails in different states, Hep. C..O.D's..Went to another 3 month rehab. I remember telling myself" I've said it all before. I've said I'm done before. I've said I'm going to get clean before. I've said I'm going to rehab before. I've said I'm going to kill myself before." I went thinking I was hopeless and was going to fail(I'd always failed before at staying clean). Did a one week suboxone to help somewhat with the WD's. I personally didn't want to be on that crap forever, I just wanted off of everything. Luckily that place dried me out. I stayed there, in a different state and got a little job, went to meetings, had a sponsoe and sponsored others, and did some service work. I have a little over a year now but I had to quit everything, even weed which used to be my favorite. I can't even believe it myself because I did nothing but fail before and everyone had already written me off. I had no visitors or mail or none of that crap. I was just living to survive. Everyday was the same old crap. Wake up sick and try to score. Now I'm doing the interferon treatment for the Hep. C and it makes me sick, but it's not as bad as kicking dope. It takes what it takes and I was a failure at living and a failure at dying. Don't be hard on yourself, none of us just get's it. Once you get clean that's when the real trials begin. I've kicked many many times but this is the 1st time I've been able to stay clean. I always thought if I could only kick and get my body right. How wrong I was. My problem is that I keep putting that crap in me, even after I'd just finished a 2 week kick. Oh the joys of drug addicted lifestyles. Bottom line is who cares what other people think. I gotta put myself 1st for once. The most powerful words an addict can say is "I want help."

i wish i had your will power bill w.

KELSA! if you think that you need rehab then DO IT! I Know that disappointing your parents is a BIG heartbreak but recovering from an addiction is something where you have to come first! YOU ADMIT THAT YOU NEED HELP, so you should take the next step and get it! Your parents would be more proud of you getting help than they would if you continue this lifestyle! i hope you take this into consideration and i hope the best for you!

The real strength is in surrender. My willpower is non-existant when it comes to dope. By just giving up and taking an alternate course of action is my only hope. You'll meet people who are just like you (only clean now) who can tell you what things you need to do. And you'll always have friends, they'll be just like you and life will become really good. You'll laugh a lot. Try it, the program works. Just stop fighting and trying to micromanage everything. Hope this helps. All of us had to go through the bad times to really realize how good the good times are.

OK my story...well I would tell you all but then I'd have to kill ya!

me too bro i went from opiates to injecting leathel doses of coke trying to deal with methadone withdraw..but you know we have had some good times too...i have atleast and we have a greater understanding of life and what it is to us

I think what sticks out the most to me is your comment about wanting to go to rehab but worring about it hurting your parents....As a mother of a barely 18 year old heroine addict...yes, it does hurt, a lot, but losing my son would hurt even more. Please try rehab, you are special and you deserve it, you deserve a better life, a chance at life, and hopefully your mom and dad will support you, realizing that you are trying to save your precious life.
God bless

Kelsa
"....I almost even want to go to rehab but that would kill my parents. "

..Almost even want to go.., what is that?
What would "kill" your parents is burying a dead daughter!
Stop the reasons and excuses and get to rehab..and if it doesnt work the first time..go again and again.
You deserve a life and they deserve their daughter back!

And, Moppy,
Stop dewelling on why you started using, and start working on not using.

If you cant do this for yourself, do it for the people who love you.

I've overdosed at least three times and it's the scariest feeling to be high one second and the next you're laying on your back on the floor staring up at cops and paramedics. I hate Narcan and I hate the way the doctors, paramedics, cops, "friends" and family treat me. Everyone in my life except my mom has abandoned me. I don't understand how they can not care about me. I feel like I got tricked in to being a junkie. My mom is a drug and alcohol nurse, so she brainwashed me against drugs, but when I turned 18 I started smoking pot and realised everything I had been told about it was a lie, so then I thought everything I had been told about drugs was a lie. I didn't even drink until I was 21. One day my friend came over and told us he finally had a hook up for smack. We all wanted to do every drug there was, but Heroin is different. I got addicted gradually, it wasn't like people say the first time you use you're hooked. My husband and I and our bestfriend and his gf got hooked together, but now his girlfriend is dead. She killed herself last Christmas and he managed to get clean. Now it's just us and we're all alone.