One year ago today my life was completely different. I was sitting in a methadone clinic to try to kick my severe opiate addiction. I started out taking 45mg for MMT and then at the highest point I reached 65mg per day. Making the choice to go to the clinic was probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, and following through with it was even harder, with all the side effects from the Methadone itself followed by the fact that I have Dual Diagnosis. I've read many posts on here about whether 'done is the way to go and it seems everyone has a very strong belief one way or another. My ex-fiance and I got addicted to snorting heroin a couple years prior, then after our horrible breakup I no longer had my same connections so I basically quit cold turkey. Misery. Shortly after I had to be admitted into the hospital and I was given a TON of narcotic pain killers which I quickly started abusing and continued to abuse until the night before I went to the clinic. The moment I decided I needed help was when I shot Oxycontin for the first time (which was the Sunday prior to my intake at the clinic) I did some research and called the clinic to see how to get in. I was told I needed 175 dollars for admittance. I went to the pawn shop and I pawned my Wii and my boyfriend gave me the extra 50 dollars that I needed to be admitted. I live 30 minutes away from the clinic and it's a 44 mile round trip, at first I was having to go 6 days a week until my drug screens came back negative of THC then slowly I would be allowed more carry home doses every couple of months. It finally got down to having to only go one day a week but my depression was spiraling out of control due to the weight gain. July 4th of last year was the last time I had a period. I'm hoping it's due to the methadone. Right now my PCP has me on a 20 day cycle of hormones to try to re-set my body. Has this happened to anyone else? It's also possible that I suffer from PCOS but that's another topic all together. My question is, yesterday, I was a walking ball of nerves, I couldn't stop crying to my mom about how I was craving and she told me that the one year mark can be a very dangerous time. I try to give myself affirmations but they're not seeming to work. To all of you out there who have kicked Methadone and opiates, how are you coping? I've only been off of the Methadone for about 2 weeks now, is it normal to feel this depressed and hopeless? Are the cravings normal? Am I ever going to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
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