I am a 28 year old female who met her boyfriend a year ago. He was a recovering heroin addict with two months clean at the time. We had a strong connection and against some feelings that I should not get involved with him so early on, I did anyway because we just couldn't really help it. Anyway, when I met him NA was his life, all of his friends were from NA, he went to meetings almost every night, talked constantly on the phone to NA people, etc. In the last month, he stopped going to meetings and said he didn't like the recovery where he lives. Last week, he said he wanted to try being normal so bad and that its so hard to be 29 and not able to drink and thats all he wants to do is drink ( I am not an addict and I do drink and smoke pot somewhat regularly) and that he won't go back to heroin and go right back to the rooms. Naively, I sympathized because I couldn't imagine having that restriction upon myself and i thought maybe he would finally be happy and addiction is so complex and difficult to understand so we went to the bar and had a couple drinks and had a fun night. I haven't seen him all week (he stays about an hour away from me) and he told me that the other day that he can't drink anymore because he has been taking pills and maybe did heroin (not sure and i'll explain why). the last month has been horrible for me because i could see his willingness slipping away and the effect that not working a program had on everything in his life. his self-pity is really bad. he was supposed to move in with me in about a week and this just doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. he thinks i'm not being supportive and putting him on the street and i feel like i am strong enough to know when someone is not good for me and trying to take care of myself so that i can function without all the anxiety but can't seem to strike a balance between being there for him and not being manipulated and being good for myself. i think we are broken up i don't really know. i just know i told him that this affects me too and he doesn't want to hear it and says i'm selfish for thinking that because his problems are worse than mine which is always the case. i don't get what i need because his needs always trump mine. that didn't go over well. maybe i am being selfish. i just don't know how to deal with this. there is so much more to the story......just not sure what to do anymore and would love to talk to someone who has a similar experience or words of advice.
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