Two more weeks and I will have 3 months of tx. under my belt. I feel so bad that I am convincing myself that I would be better off if I just stopped the tx. I have no energy to clean my house, cook for myself, do laundry. I am a genotype 1 and was given a 50-50 chance by my MD. My liver biopsy determined that I am in stage 2 of the four stages. The stigma attached to this illness has left me in self imposed solitary confinement and due to the mental side effects, like hostility, anger and irritability, I have cut myself off from people just so I can feel a small measure of control over my life. I have never felt so horrible in my life. My daughter a nurse, told me last night that if I stopped tx. and wanted to off myself to avoid a terrible death, then she would understand. Her remarks and insensitivity contributed to me falling down the so called rabbit hole of despair. I won't kill myself but I feel like the ribavirin tablets and Pegasys injections are killing me and I don't have the energy to lift myself out of this despair. It is useless to talk about depression as I am unable to take anti-depressants as they cause me more depression. It sacred me so much to feel hostility and anger that I think I have turned it inward. I even went to the ER believing I was having a heart attack as I was so short of breath and my heart would pound from the smallest of physical exertion; but after the test I was told I was having panic attacks. I am a widow and live in community that time has forgotten with the majority of the population being of a different culture than mine so there is more isolation from not being accepted as "one of them." I am not racist, just the facts. I can't get home health care as I don't have medicaid. I don't even know how to reach out for help as I have always been the "rugged individual" type. I am really scared..........I also have PTSD which I find has activated since tx. and seriously need some support. Am I feeling normal or has my mind simply lost its moorings?
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