i know this is taboo big time, i am almost hesitant to discuss this because i want to keep the friends i have met since i have joined this site. but here is my deal: when i put my 3 and 5 year old to bed, the only way i can mellow out is by having a glass of wine or beer. i Know this is a big no no, and even with the clonopin that my doctor subscibed, i cannot mellow out for the life of me unless i have a drink. i have not had substance abuse issues since i was a teen ager and i am 41 now, so it's not like this has been my life for the last 20 years, but my god, i wake up every morning saying "i wlll not drink tonite" and i end up haveing at least 2 beers or small wines before i can even wind down. Having 2 small children without much support from hubby who is usually asleep by 7:00 p, ( he's a baker) i feel i need that extra boost to get me to sleep. as it is the meds i am on make me restless all night. i don't want to continue this way because i know it is off setting my meds and not helping my viral load. should i have my doctor give me something else to mellow, so far i have hid this from him because i am so embarrased for my weakness. what to do anyone?
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