I just feel that way.I get it together and try to just get over him this.Just when i think im getting there although it hurts and is unbearable at times he comes back.He wants my love says it all then i try.So am i stupid?I cant even put myself down like that its me its what i do,I believe in trying i put my all into things.Tonight he started again did last night too.I just walked away last night let him.Today he started out like a real jerk and cold but i hung on dealt then oh he loves me wants it to work.Well i tried ,it didn't feel right at times today but i did.Part because i was scared of feeling that way again.I mean for so long its been every week for days and i feel so ripped apart so maybe i was avoiding it.I think to i just tried to believe.Tonight after not to much of anything today he just was so mean and cruel.What because i asked a simple question.The question was are you tired.No no he says then he falls asleep.We were supposed to be doing things together and its so much more.So i got up off that side of the couch smoked a cig ,he awoke when i moved then snapped at me when i said you fell asleep.He just was a jerk laying there so cod saying i wasn't etc then saying i don't want to argue.I just said 2 frckin sentences.It all happening again it all starts little.It so much more its what the says then doesnt do.Its what he says he needs but doesn't hang on to it..As he was being mean and cruel i just sat there quiet then cried he awoke again like 15 mins later said why do you look down then snapped again.So i just walked away after awhile..Is it wrong to need to be happy?Is it wrong to care about how i feel?Its been such an emotional ried and i cant do it.It little things that never have to be a fight or anything he will just argue and said it will be if i feel different.After what the said not even 12 hours ago. He turns it all around asks what i feel then gets mad when i say it.Just picks and picks till its bad lets it go till its bad.So many times of him ignoring me just bullying everythign.I will think maybe just maybe then wham here it is again.Lately i just stopped and said you know what to myself you cant make him stop or care this is how you feel.I am allowing myself to feel that.Its not worth it to say what you are doing is hurting etc.He knows.I just feel so empty yet so used to it.Yeah its been alot worse but im not feeding into it.He seems so selfish to me.He takes the easy way out but it really isnt the easy way.If he ever felt what he said wouldn't he do it?So im like im not happy i need more.I don't wanna do this.Its been there.I think i try but i cant alone and i think it was stupid this even happened.To him if i dont get hurt upset over it its not there.Its all an mind boggling game.I mean if i say you were snapping at me or mean he gets more snappy and will say things l like glad you know how i feel.Does he not see it hear himself.If i do i know.So what do i do?I have nowhere to go right now is not a good time i have other things to consider.I stay he comes back and convinces me its gonna be good.Then its there again and i fall apart.I am so confused.
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