As in my other post he had pics on the computer nude ones.Now he tried to convince me that someone used it as server.Thanks fore everyone who helped.Yes he is knowledgeable of computers so i think he would know if someone was usingit as a server and i think it would be more than a few nude pics.Anyway he is on the defensive.He was fine before when he thought i believed him acting like a decent being for a few days back to me again and punish me.I did this.I tossed the cell phone but its more than that.Its everything i do.I spoke to him about something that bothered me and it turned in to one of the back and forth events.After awhile 2 hrs i tossed the cell.Now its me.Well before it was too.How could he lie?I feel he does all the time before and yes he has lied to me before.SO once he could again right?If he honestly wanted to be close and coll with everything especial;y the pics he wouldn't get snotty vengeful turn it into the back and forth game .I must have explained what i meant about a comment 10 times still harboring his resentment.It is like im begging him to forgive m.I didn't do it.He said he didn't.I think a man would be caring understanding if he didn't.In this life though what do i expect he isn't about anything.I feel like im gonna break.This time more crap i don't even know what to make of again.It always seems to come back to if i didn't do this or that it would be ok.I feel like what if i didn't have my own brain feelings.I could i have thought to even try to trust him.I don't know.so i know its abuse i know its mind games.Is it bad that sometimes i just try to believe or push thoughts aside try because i want ed it to work or because i couldn't take it anymore?I mean as a human being i cant.I have so much going on in my life and whenever i turn around its empty he is never there for me.He says a lot of good things but then isn't there,or doesn't do them.I feel so empty.I think i must go though i cannot spend a life like this or with someone like that.I cant.I need to try to figure this out.I guess ever time i just think he means it really and he wont.I stay strong to how i feel about things never say its ok for him to treat me that way but in doing that it causes him to do it longer.It is snotty mean verbal abuse emotional games.Ignores me.As punishment.HE told me tonight of what he would do before if he didn't like something i did.He would time it like if it was 45 mins then it would equal one day ignoring me.Or sometimes 5 days then plus one.So it didn't make sense but yet it was a formula of the ignoring me as punishment is what i got from that.It hurt but yet i said how dare you.So pretty much i said tht he gets madder.I just don't know.So many things make sense.Ya if he has been acting this way maybe he would do that nudey pics.Thats what i thought too.I guess i just tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.Yet here i am again being treated this way.All i did was say how i felt about something when he asked then its just spiraled from there.I am better off when i just don't say anything just let him sometimes i just get to the pint where i have had enough and bow up in a few days or something.Sometimes he stops.I never get to get it out or say what i feel.Nothings ever resolved.I think part of the reason i might have tried to believe him about the pics that night is he came home and cried some and seemed to feel bad .So he wasn't a jerk like he usually is so i thought maybe.I think it was he got caught and he got scared id leave he said that.When i think back i don't think it made sense and he seemed way too nervous and just couldn't wait to reinstall windows.How would he know without even looking.All of it makes no sense.Yet i cant say for sure i will never know he is the only one.The only one even about is who knows why he doe sit.he didn't even scan the rest of the computer to see if there was things on it or other thing s on the d drive.Windows drive just moved them.So if he thought there was someone in this computer messing around wouldn't he look.I would.Now its all gone.I remember though.So yeah it a big deal whatever he says and the conflicting things he said.He wouldn't like it if i did any of the things he does although he says go ahead when he is mad.If i was chatting or looking at guys.He tell me to leave.Just remembered one thing he said that night if it was reversed he would forgive me cause he loves me so much.He cant even forgive me for what he calls interrupting him...........Yeah right..
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