Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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regaining self esteem

deleted_user
deleted_user
I dont even know if this is the right place for this. But here goes.... As most of you know I was in an extremely abusive relationship. He systematically manged to deplete my self esteem and my confidence. Growing up I always knew I was pretty. I never had problems attracting guys. Now though, I just dont know anymore. I am so insecure and I know that is a turn off for guys. Also I am so worried about my judgement when it comes to men anymore that I am thinking of completely foregoing a relationship. I started dating my ex when I was 15 and married him when I was 19. Now we are seperated and divorce is pending. While with him I got up to 200 pounds due to depression. I am now a nice healthy weight and am going to the gym regularly. I have recently ( a couple months ago) met someone I am interested in, but I am so insecure with myself that I am afraid to let anyone too close. How do I get past the voice of my ex in my head telling me I am not good enough for anything but sex. I do not want a strictly physical relationship. I want what I see most of you all have which is loving honest relationships. How to I learn to trust again and most importantly how do I regain my self esteem?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am not sure why it posted this 3 times!?!?!? silly thing.......
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was syestematically abused emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically by my older sister eight yrs older. i was a special needs child and got told it lots. Then my partner did same no self esteem left. Now am getting uo have mazin partner who supports and helps me its the world of diff You need time and maybe therapy oh and a good partner who loves you for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My heart goes out to you on this one as its almost like my situ except I dont get the sex from him either. Trust your new man.Your ex missed the point totally.Its whats inside that counts,your heart.Just be happy and be loved and you will trust again.x
deleted_user
deleted_user
This morning has erased all the progress I had made self- esteem wise.... Just like him to kick me when I am down...
koolman
koolman
I really, really don't understand abuse, verbal or physical, except to say that it's a guy's externalization of HIS OWN insecurity! I would say, read books about self-esteem, educate yourself, make new girlfriends to go out and shop and talk with, and build yourself up that way. As a man, I can say TO HELL WITH MEN.

Some of us guys are great, but we're dealing with our own shit too, and maybe a sexual relationship is a bit too "close" for you right now...give yourself time AWAY FROM MEN...coming from a man, that's my advice.
Wilson
Wilson
I have been in your shoe's and I know how you feel. I can tell you that it takes time and a loving partner to build your self esteem up again. He is going to have to make you feel like your improtant to him. Your going to have to believe in yourself to and know that you are special.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm still struggling with this question myself, especially how to trust my own judgement about men again.
All I can say for now is that I've got a lot of platonic male friends who I can talk to, hearing about relationships/dating from their side has been an eye-opener for me - and it was also my male friends who made me realise in the first place that I was worth rather more than my ex, so I'll always be grateful to them for that!
Hope that's some help, having friends like that around might give you a better idea of what to look for in a future romance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Um, I went to counciling first before I started dating so I would not fall into the same kind of relationship as I was in. It really helped. Maybe you could start going now and tell them whay you want to work on.
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