Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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Need some ADVICE!!!

deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok I need some advice here. I have been seperated from my husnbund for 6 months and our divorce will be final next Monday. He cheated on me because he decided I was overweight and he wanted someone more attractive. He said lots of cruel things to me regarding my weight, so my self esteem was pretty low.

About 2 months ago I started dating a really great guy. After about a month we started having sex. He's 35. About 2 weeks after we started doing this we had a little problem. We were getting hot and heavy an then he couldn't.....get it up. I immediately think it's because of me. My husband didn't find me attractive so maybe he decided I was gross too. He swore up and down that it wasn't me. But when it happened everything that husband said to me came back. It has been over two weeks since this happened and we haven't had sex since.

So what's the deal?? Is it me????? Or is he embarrassed that it happened??? I just don't know what to think. I have asked him and he swears it has nothing to do with me. But ever since that happened I don't feel like we're dating. I just feel like we're friends who hang out.

So guys....help me!!! What would you be thinking???????

Thanks!!
GZUSthug
GZUSthug
YOUR FACE COULD LAUNCH ROCKETS, AND THAT'S A GREAT THING. YOU'RE GEORGOUS, SO I WOULD SAY THAT IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE GUY. I DON'T THINK THAT WEIGHT ISSUES HAVE EVER REALLY STOPPED A REAL MAN FROM FULLY PLEASING A REAL WOMAN.
LisaACOA
LisaACOA
I agree with Guzz. You are very pretty. I know about the self-conscious stuff, believe me. But, there are plenty of men that love larger women. If things don't work out with him. You won't have any problem finding someone you will enjoy every part of you. Good Luck!!

Your friend,

Lisa
abusehurts
deleted_user
deleted_user
No way is it you.My partner is like your ex was.He tries all ways to shatter my confidence.It sometimes does but has mainly made me a lot stronger.If I was you,I would tell your new guy you love him very much and that it doesnt matter and you just want a hug.Hopefully if he relaxes a bit more about it he may be ok.Good luck.x
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
performance anxiety, some meds can cause this. I've experienced problems at the start of my last relationship. It was nothing to do with my partner though we both freaked at the time as we only had a little time we could be together (making it more pressured).
roseBud23
roseBud23
Wow that seems a lil' extreme for ur ex to think he's entitled to be so judgemental.. As for ur current squeeze, just give it time. I'm sure it has 0 to do with u and how u feel ur appearance is. I'd say it has a lot to do with how uncomfortable he feels about his "let down". Don't fret just try and approach him to open the lines of conversation and find out how he really feels about what happened. ... there are a lot of Physical reasons that could have contibuted to his "softies" maybe reseach the symptoms and help him figure it out with u as a guidance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think he just needs to relax more...It could NOT be you...
deleted_user
deleted_user
NO way is that your fault. Your husband did NOT cheat because you are "overweight" He cheated because he's weak and thoughtless.....

You are BEAUTIFUL...I've read some of your previous postings, you're well spoken and intelligent.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lind - It's not you. Don't beat yourself up and relive what that scumbag Ex said to you.. Put that away for good. In fact, write all that crap on a piece of paper and then burn it. Once it's ash, don't ever think of those words again. Love yourself.

So, on to the limpness.. Have you talked about it recently..? Has it ever happened to him before..? He could be nervous or he could have Erectile Dysfunction (ED). It's a fairly common disorder for some men.. Be very understanding with this, as he could be very self conscious... Be supportive and understanding if you really like him..

I think you need to keep at it and give it more time... If it persists, go with him to see a doctor.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Had same problem with my guy when we met. Its not you. Its him. If you arent real shy try bringing it up.Approach it with a sweet atttude. Try again. If it keeps happening dont act mad. Horny Goat weed can be bought anywhere and will get him working. This worked for my guy. Just in their head most of the time.Will go away And if you dont mind being even more freaky tell him to have fun with himself in front of you then join in. Its common for guys who have been alone for a little while to "need what they're use to" good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well it turns out it really didn't matter anyway. I asked him last night what was up and he said that didn't want a relationship and just wanted to "hang out." That's a complete switch to how things first started out between us. If I had known this for the the beginning I never would have allowed myself to develop feelings for him and I sure has hell would never have had sex with him. He was only my 2nd and that's something that's special to me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
omg this sounds all too familiar.... I actually had a fight with the ex this morning and got called all those horrid names again, it has had me in tears almost all morning.

I doubt it is you hun, he probably is embarassed and worried it will happen again. This type of thing can happen because of stress, among other things. Communicate with him about it. I am sure he will help calm your fears.
joybells
joybells
You just need to find the right man.If a man truly loves you then he'll accept you as you are.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If there was a hint of anxiety initially and things were not working as they should, it can quickly casacade to not working at all in a man's mind.
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