I searched for "initiating" and this thread came up without any replies! That sucks. But I also have the same problem. I thought everything was perfect with my fiance, until tonight. We had our first discussion about initiation. I tend to initiate all the time, and he doesn't. I have a similar problem to bellyvoid's where it seems like my fiance is almost turned off by me initiating. He recognizes the problem, but doesn't know what to do to help us fix it. I need to feel wanted. I know he loves me and is desirous for me. But with me initiating all the time, it makes me feel like he doesn't truly *want* me sexually. He says he just "goes with the flow."

I think I'm a drama queen and I don't realize it. That's so far from what I would ever describe myself as being. But I'd like any insight from men who don't usually initiate and what they're thinking.

Get rid of him and find someone you're compatible with. Really. You could marry him and have 50 or more years of this argument in one way or another. You'll never win, instead you'll always be unhappy. This is what he learned as a child somehow and it's what he's going to stick with. I've been there, done that, and my wife of 3 decades will always think I'm a pervert because I like sex and want it.

Women's lib and women in the workplace has, not to put too fine a point on it, ladies, but men in a position where we're not quite sure where we "fit in" in many ways. Some of us want this soft, sweet thing (who, yes, can be sexy) and, when you come across too strong, we feel as though we're merging with a man LOL.

Maybe purr gently as a sex kitten...try to come across soft but sexy as hell...

U should be with somebody that makes you happy tell him how you feel if he can't change then leave him. It may be alitte harsh but life is to short to be in a reliaship that your not happy in

This feedback is awesome. Redlocks, you might have something with the drama queen thing. I was addicted to drama; although I did not like to admit it. By the way; we broke up in June. It was mutual. End of February was the last time we did it. I wanted it the night before my birthday; and he refused me. The next morning I seduced him; only to be disappointed. That's when I decided I didn't want to make love unless it came completely naturally. I haven't yet learned to stay connected w/ myself; so I certainly can't connect w/ anyone else. The history of sexual abuse doesn't help either. Anyway, good luck to all you unsatisfied floks out there!

I think a woman can be sweet AND dirty. Plus I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman initiating sex. In fact I would say it is quite a turn on for ALOt of men. I happen to LOVE it when a woman initiates and shows a little of her "dirty side"!!!

I would have a long discussion with your man and be totally honest with him. let him know that this is bothering you and that it can be a deal breaker for you.