I know this was for all the wrong reasons in the world...My work is really stressful...I had a really bad accident and lost a mother and son..father lived...anyways...last night I had a few drinks with a doctor friend..he is a new doctor and he kept on asking me how I could handle the job that I have and not breakdown and lose it?! I said I really don't want to talk about the bad stuff and that life is great!! He just kept on pushing and pushing. I mentioned that things haven't been easy for me...and that this loss was hard...a few drinks later I'm touch his thigh...and giving him the wink wink...I ask him to come to my place. I wanted so bad to be with him....more alcohol...it wasn't working....I even looked for some mild sedatives to take the edge off....doctor but the breaks to that....I sat on the edge of the couch, I apologized for asking him to come over. I can't wait to have to work ith him again...not really! I feel like I have this void inside..that you just have to fill..compounded with being raped and not being in a physical relationship. I have sought counsel and my therapist mentioned Masterbation....I don't even feel comfortable with that....that to me is way wrong!!!! I was abused as a child also and that was something that this man made me do to myself and by him. My ex Boy friend tried to get me too allow him take care of me and that way didn't happen. I don't mean to "OCD" on this subject....but being in the medical field I KNOW how important sex and intamacy is to your health. To all of you in loving health sex relationships...I'm completely jealous of you. Sex for me has been a torturous experience from the start...I deserve to be made love to?! After being brutilized in the parkinglot....that was it...I won't let anyone in...and I cry alone. If you have any insite please...and thank you.
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