In my head...
So in my last post, I talked about how me and my boyfriend of little over 4 months and me had our first squabble on Sunday. I appreciate your guys' feedback and see where I escalated and engaged in some very negative behaviors. Thank you!
Since then we have been texting the same, but it is a little different. A lot of one word replies and being active on social media without replying to me for awhile. I am not trying to read too much into this because he has friends and when I am with him he watches a lot of videos on social media. I gave him a compliment yesterday and he immediately changed the subject. I brought up some ideas for the weekend, like what I was thinking to cook for this weekend. And he responded with, “Goodluck I hope it turns out good”. He mentioned doing something with his friends this weekend. Which I am not trying to read too much into either. He has friends and I support him wanting to hang out with them.
Its just normally, when I bring up the weekend he usually provides input and shares what he'd like to do. Instead of just kinda blowing me off I feel in a way. He hasnt been calling me pet names either and has been coming off as pretty cold at times.
I know we had a squabble and he's probably still processing it in his head. My fear to be honest is rejection over the fact that I get cold sores. His fears around his health are valid. Even though I am doing everything I can to prevent them and I communicate with him. He's told me that he thinks I am pretty amazing, but my cold sores concern him. I just hope he can see the bigger picture, I am educated, I am independent, successful, pretty, funny, and I dont really need someone; I would like someone. I hope he doesnt break up with me. I feel bad about our squabble, we havent spoken about it since. I really care about him and could see a future with him. I know id be fine if he did break up with me, it would just really hurt. I know my behavior wasnt cool either, I let my anxiety get the best of me which I need to work on.
I just needed to get this out, as I am still struggling with it.
It's now been about 4 weeks since I broke up with him. I've been in strict no contact with him for almost 2 weeks. I've been living my life and posting pics on social media. My ex and I were still following each other and any time I posted an Instagram story, he would be one of the first to view it within minutes. Mostly it would be selfies (super cute selfies), or cool places I've found...