
Healthy Relationships Support Group
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deleted_user
This is for the men in the group...
Why would a 35+ year old man not tell his girlfriend of 3 years that he loves her when his coworkers are around?
Example: He calls me on his way home from work in a car full of coworkers/boss. Conversation is over so I tell him I love him and he responds with "yep"... Why is this? I understand at first he may not be comfortably with it as it was a new relationship... But after 3 years he's still doing it, not to mention I've stood by him through some VERY tough times he's caused (No cheating or anything like that; nothing that put our relationship status in limbo just tough times)
He also doesn't say it in front of his kids, though he has no trouble showing me affection when they are around. He does say "I love you" to them when he's around others. It seems to be just me he won't say it to when others are around.
Is he ashamed of me? Because I'm fairly certain that if I looked like his dream girl (Pamela Anderson) he'd be all over saying it to me in front of anyone.
So it makes me feel like I'm just not good enough.. I've asked him about in the past and he says he doesn't know why he just can't say it.. But I know if I looked like her he'd say it no problem. It really makes me feel insecure about myself. Too much info huh?
anyway.. Guys just wondering if you had any more information about why a guy would be like that..
Why would a 35+ year old man not tell his girlfriend of 3 years that he loves her when his coworkers are around?
Example: He calls me on his way home from work in a car full of coworkers/boss. Conversation is over so I tell him I love him and he responds with "yep"... Why is this? I understand at first he may not be comfortably with it as it was a new relationship... But after 3 years he's still doing it, not to mention I've stood by him through some VERY tough times he's caused (No cheating or anything like that; nothing that put our relationship status in limbo just tough times)
He also doesn't say it in front of his kids, though he has no trouble showing me affection when they are around. He does say "I love you" to them when he's around others. It seems to be just me he won't say it to when others are around.
Is he ashamed of me? Because I'm fairly certain that if I looked like his dream girl (Pamela Anderson) he'd be all over saying it to me in front of anyone.
So it makes me feel like I'm just not good enough.. I've asked him about in the past and he says he doesn't know why he just can't say it.. But I know if I looked like her he'd say it no problem. It really makes me feel insecure about myself. Too much info huh?
anyway.. Guys just wondering if you had any more information about why a guy would be like that..
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I always say "and I you" when someone says on the phone that they love me. I just don't want to share that expression with others.
The kids are different though. They need to hear it loudly everyday and so he says it.
Is it wrong to want to hear the words though? Ditto to me is just as bad as yep. It's not like I want him to say it all the time. In fact I rarely talk to him when he's around his work buddies, but they all know who he's talking to so is it so wrong I want him to be able to say "I love you too" he doesn't have any problem acting like it when they are around. And most of them are married, and I'm fairly certain they are saying it to their wives when they call. Like I said before if I were PA he'd say it first in front of everyone. that's the issue I have.
about 20 other guys in it.my GF said she loved me when she phoned my so i said it bak.
got a bit of a dig for it.who cares.
put it the other way round,she wont say it to me....why i dont know...
You never know when you are going to die and God forbid that yesterday he be in a wreck on the way home and I never see him again.. My last memory would be of him saying "yep" to me... Drastic thought? Yes but it's how I feel.
IDK
Make sure he understands explicitly how you feel. If he cannot commit to saying I love you he might have a problem to bigger commitments.
He came up behind me while doing laundry and hugged me and told me he loved me.. I said do you really? (yes I know he does) and he said yeah why would I ask that.. I said well it appears that some people like to reply with yep while others prefer ditto and others like myself prefer I love you too.. He knew exactly what I was referring to. He told me he didn't want to catch flack from one coworker in particular.. I said so the choice was catch some flack (which this coworker would find something else to pick on him for anyway) or hurt me. I said out of those choices you chose to hurt me. He said he didn't realize it hurt me. So I was very clear when I said well now you know for next time.
Even though I know he loves me, I still need to hear it too. You never know when the last time will be that you'll speak to the person you love so you should say it every chance you get. That's how I live my life. He knows this and he knows why that is. Even he knows from experience how short life can be and how you may never have that chance to say it again. When I was younger before having my son I wasn't like this, but he didn't know me then. At any rate, he now knows without a doubt the affect it has on me. Thanks everyone for your suggestions and thoughts on this. For those that are ok with not having it said back that works great for you.. It doesn't for me. Even though he knew this before he has been reminded again. We spent the last year apart from each other (we were still in a relationship, just distance was between us) and we were on limited talk time during that year. Maybe he will go ahead and say it next time.. Whenever that is. Like I said before we don't talk alot on the phone when he's at work so it's far and few between, but the hurt is just as great as if it was done everyday.
But, if I were with the woman I loved, I'd be screaming it from the hilltops (or at least the freeways)!
any way the words i love you in front of other men is taboo from time to time, co workers/ the boss. this is your personal life. and needs to be so.
now in front of the kids i dont understand that one but it amy also be the way he was raised.
at one time talk of that nature was for the bed room only. it's very old fasioned. and very interesting.