I'm not normally insecure, so please don't think that I carry myself in a needy or insecure way. I'm quite independent and secure of myself it's just this one thing that makes me question myself.. And although he knows I don't like the fact that he can't say it, he doesn't know to the full extent how it makes me feel.

I am the same way with my expression of love. I prefer to keep it private that is all. If he grew up in a family that didn't openly discuss love then it is a private conversation.

I always say "and I you" when someone says on the phone that they love me. I just don't want to share that expression with others.

The kids are different though. They need to hear it loudly everyday and so he says it.

I guess I clearly just don't understand... To me if he can hold me, hug me and kiss me in front of others he should be able to say it too. He has no problem showing his love in front of others, it's just the words he has an issue with. Maybe it's because I'm so different I just can't understand it. To me it's far easier to say it in front of others then it is to show it. Thanks for your response. I'm going to keep trying to process it. :)

Have you expressed your concerns/wants? Make it clear how you feel. He should be able to express his feelings.

Jst have him say "ditto." Explain to him this is from the Movie Ghost and you will know he actually means he Loves You with all his heart.

I have explained that it bothers me just not to the extent I've explained here.

Is it wrong to want to hear the words though? Ditto to me is just as bad as yep. It's not like I want him to say it all the time. In fact I rarely talk to him when he's around his work buddies, but they all know who he's talking to so is it so wrong I want him to be able to say "I love you too" he doesn't have any problem acting like it when they are around. And most of them are married, and I'm fairly certain they are saying it to their wives when they call. Like I said before if I were PA he'd say it first in front of everyone. that's the issue I have.

I tell my GF that i love her the last time i said it to her i was in my works canteen,
about 20 other guys in it.my GF said she loved me when she phoned my so i said it bak.
got a bit of a dig for it.who cares.
put it the other way round,she wont say it to me....why i dont know...

I guess all I can do is tell him how it makes me feel. 100% the way it makes me feel. What he chooses to do with that info is on him, but I've about decided to just not say it to him.. And the next time he says it to me (wherever we are and whomever we are around) just to say "yep" right back... I was so hurt yesterday by it that it really changed my whole attitude. I sat on the other side of the sectional the whole evening, and just barely even acknowledged his presence in the room. The same to be said of bed time. I stayed on my side of the bed.. He asked me one time if I had a bad day and I responded with a no. Because my day wasn't bad.. I had also decided should he ask me if I was mad at him I would say no just hurt. But I guess it's not fair to expect him to know something is really wrong. It just really bothers me. I'm 33 going on 34 and this is not the relationship I always imagined.. It is with the exception of this one area. But to me it's a big thing. Maybe it shouldn't be but it is. I just feel like if you love someone you should be happy to say it in front of everyone. I just keep thinking of the day we get married (which probably will never happen anyway) he won't be able to say it there. All the family, friends/coworkers and everyone else that would be there.

You never know when you are going to die and God forbid that yesterday he be in a wreck on the way home and I never see him again.. My last memory would be of him saying "yep" to me... Drastic thought? Yes but it's how I feel.

IDK

luvsick, I agree with you 100% that he should want to be proud and say he loves you in front of everyone. I would be so hurt if my husband did not say he loves me.

luvsick,

Make sure he understands explicitly how you feel. If he cannot commit to saying I love you he might have a problem to bigger commitments.

it is not uncommon for a man to not say 'i love you' especially over the phone. except for when i was alone, i could never bring myself to say it to my wife over the phone either. never gave it any thought, just knew it went against my nature.

I know this was meant for the guys, but I have two cents on this... I'm trying to think, outside of some unusual situation, if I've ever had a man that I'm in love with and vice versa tell me that he loves me in front of co-workers or friends. I guess I recall phone calls and maybe either one of us saying it but whoever was in a group of people just would say "yep" or "you too", but not usually say I love you too. As a matter of fact, the "you too" was not usually said. Why? I don't know exactly, but I suppose at some level it felt too "private" and I'd rather others not be privy to that part of our communication. I just assumed he felt the same way. There may have been exceptions but I honestly don't recall. Actions speak louder than words. If he loves you and you KNOW that - because I think we really do know or can tell - then I wouldn't sweat this so much, if even at all. Maybe just tell him it would mean a lot to you if he ever said it in a public way, which is what I think you're wanting, and that it would mean so much to you and then let it go. Other than that, if you know, that you know, that you know, then I'd let it be and let him keep it between the two of you - that's his comfort level. Yes, I agree with the person that said kids need that - because they do! Hope this helps.

Well I had a talk with him last night. Short sweet but he got the point..

He came up behind me while doing laundry and hugged me and told me he loved me.. I said do you really? (yes I know he does) and he said yeah why would I ask that.. I said well it appears that some people like to reply with yep while others prefer ditto and others like myself prefer I love you too.. He knew exactly what I was referring to. He told me he didn't want to catch flack from one coworker in particular.. I said so the choice was catch some flack (which this coworker would find something else to pick on him for anyway) or hurt me. I said out of those choices you chose to hurt me. He said he didn't realize it hurt me. So I was very clear when I said well now you know for next time.

Even though I know he loves me, I still need to hear it too. You never know when the last time will be that you'll speak to the person you love so you should say it every chance you get. That's how I live my life. He knows this and he knows why that is. Even he knows from experience how short life can be and how you may never have that chance to say it again. When I was younger before having my son I wasn't like this, but he didn't know me then. At any rate, he now knows without a doubt the affect it has on me. Thanks everyone for your suggestions and thoughts on this. For those that are ok with not having it said back that works great for you.. It doesn't for me. Even though he knew this before he has been reminded again. We spent the last year apart from each other (we were still in a relationship, just distance was between us) and we were on limited talk time during that year. Maybe he will go ahead and say it next time.. Whenever that is. Like I said before we don't talk alot on the phone when he's at work so it's far and few between, but the hurt is just as great as if it was done everyday.

Maybe he just didn't want to appear "whipped" in front of his (male) co-workers.

But, if I were with the woman I loved, I'd be screaming it from the hilltops (or at least the freeways)!

there was a time in this counrty when a man existed that was know as the strong silent type. this ahs been replaced by the crying i dont want to work type...lol......

any way the words i love you in front of other men is taboo from time to time, co workers/ the boss. this is your personal life. and needs to be so.

now in front of the kids i dont understand that one but it amy also be the way he was raised.

at one time talk of that nature was for the bed room only. it's very old fasioned. and very interesting.