the theory is called "spoons" if you would like to read it i can give it to anyone. or put it on here. also, he told me not that long ago, that he didnt even want to get married and that he felt pressured into it. he then later a day or so, told me he really didnt mean it. but i think might only be because he saw how much it hurt me. so i dont know if i can belive him on that or even when he sez i love you.

I would like to read spoons.

Is he depressed? It sounds like he is dealing with some head issues to me. I know you have a small baby at home, are you guys having bad nights? Is he under some outside stress?

yeah. i know he is in alot of pain from his tooth and he is in pain from his eyes, their all messed up and he almost went blind. but i tryed to be helpful to that as much as i can and understanding. but its hard to think that he cant see, or is in sooooo much pain he cant go to work or watch the baby, and then goes out mushroom picking, or goes over to the nieghbors for 2 or so hours. yeah money is a big problem too. he doesnt have a real job. we both work through a program from welfare. they pay us as much as i should be making alone. and yet he still wont get a job. we also live with my parents.

you know another thing, he is mad because our room is a mess. and that i never clean or do laundry. ok, one i'm sick and tiered and unable to do most of whats needed to be done. and two we have nothing. i mean really we are sooooo poor. we live with my mom and dad!!!! if we had 3 hampers i could keep the close seperated. then i could do laundry easier. and if we had more stortage room, i could hange close up, or a better dresser, i could put close away! and if we had our own house i could keep the mess out in a laundry room. and if we had totes i could keep summer close away from everyday close. (i live in oregon its summer and rain... thats really it)and all this takes money! a house, hampers, dressers, totes, things to fix the car, oil for the car, it all takes money and money comes from jobs.... which i think he is afraid of. he sez i wont take him to work, and that i make him late and he had a no call no show once because of me not wanted to take him to work. which i NEVER remember happening. i might be late to work or getting somewhere, but i would never refuse to take him to work, unless fully 100% unable to do it.

If you think having money will help are you able to get a job instead? I know it's hard to work when you have a baby, but when my son was first born his father was working, but not earning what I'd like to have had. So instead of complaining and telling him he shoudl get a better paying job I got a job instead.

there is a website, and if it fits, good, if not, then disregard this post
www.youarenotcrazy.com

If your husband is open to it, counseling may be a good option to help you both communicate effectively. I am a firm believer in therapy and it is not only necessary as a last resort. Many couples have used therapy to help enrich their relationship. You'd be amazed what you learn about yourself and about eachother. Best of luck to you!

thanks, but the job thing, i have lupus. and i am working and going to work everyday! unless there is an appionment. he hasnt been going to work for sometime now. and i'm sick with lupus so its very hard for me to work and i have explained it all many times. and i have been thinking about counseling, but he wont say yes or no to the idea.