#14

No need to apologise on my behalf regarding the mention of STDs. The question was..
"As an ex-prositute I face the dilemma of telling future partners about my history.

Should I tell them upfront, wait for awhile into the relationship, or not at all?"

...to which I replied quite straightforwardly.

Not guilty of assuming Your Honour :-)

Whether the words are spoken, the emotions and activity of past relationships are there, residuals of a kind of spiritual cancer, not even mentioning the STD issue. You mentioned in another post how angry you were at an ex-BF; you realize that attitude is going to taint your perception of future guys-!

If you're trying to get laid right away, I'd mention your STD status if you have an STD. Hopefully, you were a "safety girl" like Julia Roberts and whipped out a condom for every John, and the condom didn't break...

Otherwise, mention of past boyfriends (or ahem customers) will taint the relationship in a way that perhaps you don't want; either, like Dave said, they'll be overexcited about jumping your bones right away and you'll skip the more intimate stuff, or they'll be fearful of disease and run for the hills.

What are you looking for in future partners that is different from past partners? Or are you merely looking for more of the same? It's impossible to answer this question based on the above information...

I will repeat that I have never had any issues with STD's and have always practised safe sex. My issues are not there.

I want a partner who does not care about a past history, that likes me for the person I am, despite my history. Someone understanding.

But right now, I feel so angsty about so many things, that even being available seems pointless. I have far to many issues, gripes and problems to want a relationship.

You seem to be quite sensitive that the subject of STDs was even brought up. It almost sounds as if the people in your future relationships are not allowed to be concerned about it. That's not a healthy way to start a relationship in my mind.

#18

You never mentioned/asked anything about STDs in this Topic, why was it even mentioned ?

As long as you're clean and have no diseases, why would it be any of his business? Is your partner obligated to tell you his sexual history?

I would want to know. I would want to be able to make the decision to be with a man or woman with a secret like this in their past. My personal opinion is I think prostitutes are dirty. Whether they are clean or not. I also have known them not to be able to love. They can close out those feeling so well. It may be hard to let go of that. When it comes to really getting serious. What if you hide it and they found out some other way and they were pissed? IDK. Good luck with that.

Arch: The only thing you can do is find someone LIKE YOU, someone who also has a rather extensive sexual past, with similar drama, and is simply tired of the whole scene, as you are, and wants to have a rather relaxed, sedate current sexual relationship. This takes talking, communicating.

I was about to put my two cents in when I saw you had replies. At first, reading the replies made me feel you did not need my tuppence - that is til I read through all the replies.

I will first ask you the question I originally was going to when I decided to reply and that is:

How do you feel about having been a prostitute?

This is the first thing you need to consider because it is the most important. If you are ashamed, then I would think you would be inclined to shy away from telling a possible partner. But if you are not why would you not tell the person in the course of getting to know each other.? Would you be having a dilemma telling a potential partner that you had been a secretary?

Reading all the replies causes me to want to say much more though. One of the replies says how guys want to hear a girl's past adventures and then get angry about it. I would be able to say the opposite - girls want to know your past experience and then get mad at it - threatened really - from my humble experience. And then most of the other replies seem to revolve around if you have an STD tell him and if you don't the don't tell him. Bluntly, I find all of that nonsense.

I do not think it hinges on your STD status or on the best time to tell him. What I have found in life is that if I tell someone something and that makes them hesitant about me then I would want and shouldn't deal with that person at all. It has held true from relationships to jobs and covers all social dealings that I could have with anyone. If a person likes me then they don't care about what society tells them they should find important.

My advice to you is when you are saying "Hi, my name is....I am glad to meet you" it would be silly to add "And oh by the way I used to be a prostitute." And it would be attempting to "get the fish on the hook" first to wait to tell him - first get him interested enough and then find the right time to say, with the lights low and a drink in hand "Sweetie, I've got something to tell you...". The best thing is to tell him as you are each telling each other parts of your histories - it is the natural way - and if he gets that look on his face and begins to look for the exits, hand him his hat and say with a big grin "If you hurry your glasses will keep their rose tint."

Koolman that is the smartest reply yet.