I find it easy almost effortless to become intimate with any man. However on the flip side, it is difficult for me to show that individual my personality. It's weird. I can sleep with them & think nothing of it but when it comes to being myself & showing that person who I am as a person I tend to shy away from that. I think that I have programmed myself to want & expect only sex from men which has warped my thought-process & judgment. I have no male friends in which the relationship is just platonic. If I am not sexually attracted to the person then its like we have no common ground. There are other things that I value in a partner but I can't seem to get my focus & attention off that area. I always attributed it to the loss of my virginity while in middle school. Ever since I was in elementary I would masturbate regularly. I believe these kinds of things can create strong holds over a person's life. Which I believe it has over my life. With my background being one filled w/Molestation, masturbation, incest, pornography, & fornication.
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