I am 36 wks pregnant and my husband and I live directly across the street from his parents. We are married for almost a year (newly wed) and pregnant with our first child, and also with this horrid economy, we are having money issues like everyone else. Now his parents have been very kind at offering us help getting set up and since for about the past 6 mos or so we've (both households) have been hit with a lot of car issues and trying to get my husband and I set up in a trailer (at the moment we have been living the past yr in a camper),they have been very helpful in offering my husband assistance with household issues (and we haven't been in much of a position to refuse, with me being on bedrest the past few weeks of the pregnancy). The thing is, my father in law has been butting in without asking first and taking it upon himself to BUY things that we need for the trailer set-up without asking us and then not letting us pay. This is very nice, but this has been going on for minths and the money he is spending on us is adding up, the worst part is, John's parents are control-freaks and pretty much, things are wonderful with them, until you have your own opinion and try to express it. First they won't listen at all and when you try to make yourself heard, then they get angry and start making threats. His father has made threats not to finish helping John set up the trailer so we can move in, and now, with me ready to give birth pretty much any time, and me not able to help, we have to get the trailer finished up so we can move in and there's still a lot to do. We pretty much have things smoothed over for now, but what's going to happen later, when the baby comes? He's going to see right away that I will set down a rule, whether it be a house rule, in our trailer, or a childcare rule and John's parents usurp my authority by completely ignoring my rules and coming up with their own (which is pretty much what's been happening) or waiting (and breaking my rule) while John isn't around, until John gets home and hopefully backs me up. I shouldn't have to wait to be backed up by my husband by a rule I set for my own home. If I say something is a rule in my house; that should be IT. But my son is going to see right away that I have no authority in even my own home and if I say "No" about anything, he'll just go to Dad behind my back or across the street to Grandparent's house. Kids aren't stupid. My question is: How do I set up rules and boundaries with both my husband and more especially his parents without pissing everyone off and starting another family fight? Last weekend there was a terrible issue along these lines that ended with MY parents feeling they needed to come over (an hour drive for them) and have a talk with John and his Dad-which turned into a bad arguement and I ended up having issues with my depression and freaking out.This whole problem has become terribly out of hand, I'm sick of everything, and if I wasn't positive that John's father would convince John to fight for full custody ( I have Epilepsy & Depression) on the grounds of my medical issues, I would pack my bags, leave and file for divorce. But John's family are so in love with being in control of everything, I know full well John would get talked into a big custody battle-and to be 100% honest, I'm not sure I would even want my child around his family unsupervised anyway.
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