Looking for advice/support for the following situation;
I've been with my partner for a year and 4 months - live with him and his mum in her house. For as long as I can remember I've been an attention seeking brat in relationships; I'm easily made jealous, and quick to get frustrated/upset/angry at stupid things (basically, I'm neurotic. I begin therapy for this in a few weeks' time). Because of my behaviour and how difficult I am to be around, my partner has become incredibly impatient with me. It's completely understandable, but now he often assumes I'm getting into a bad mood or reacting to something badly when I'm not, and it's upsetting. On top of this, I feel like he isn't recognising the work I'm doing to get better because he thinks I'm just as bad as I've always been, because he keeps making these assumptions. I know this is my fault, but my progress not being recognised is slowing me down, and it's making me reluctant to talk to him or express any feelings if I can help it in case they're misunderstood. He also won't talk about it, because he says giving me that attention is basically giving me what I want and will feed into the issue. I do understand that him doing this is him trying his absolute best to help - I'm not the slightest bit upset with him about it, just need to know how to cope with and hopefully help this situation..?
tl;dr - I can't control my neuroticism so my partner doesn't believe me when I say I'm fine/not getting angry - increasingly feel like I can't be myself, let myself feel emotion, or talk about anything difficult.
We have been married 25 years, I have lived through his porn addiction, the countless lies, an affair, almost loosing our business of 23 years because of his depression and then immigrating across the world to start all over again, through all of the above I have stuck by his side! The older he gets the more insecure, difficult, moody, irritable and super sensitive. I find myself constantly...
It has been a long time since on this site but I have hit a rough spot and just need support just very hesitant. I guess baby step is the way to go.