
Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have had our ups and downs, I caught him cheating (online) when I was 8 months pregnant. Just giving a little background on our relationship.
Lately, I`ve been feeling like I always have to try to be my best for him, or he`ll be dissapointed. I know I am a little bit different, since I have been battling depression, but a relationship shouldn`t be this hard.
I mean he freaks out if i forget to shut off a light, or if I am supposed to clean the bathroom (which he won`t do) one night, but put it off till the next night.
This morning, he freaked because I forgot his lunch for work. I mean, I have enough on my plate with getting myself and my daughter ready in the morning, I don`t believe it should be my responsability to make sure he has his lunch. I do help him make it and carry it to the car, but it`s not my responsability.
I don`t even know how to explain it. it`s like my husband is so perticular about how he likes things done and I`m more laid back, so I am always on edge, almost not comfortable in my own house because I am always afraid I will do something he doesnt want me to do (like let my daughter play with the tupperware cabinet) or not do something the way he wants it.
It`s crazy to live like this , but this is how I feel.Am I alone here, or does someone else understand?
Lately, I`ve been feeling like I always have to try to be my best for him, or he`ll be dissapointed. I know I am a little bit different, since I have been battling depression, but a relationship shouldn`t be this hard.
I mean he freaks out if i forget to shut off a light, or if I am supposed to clean the bathroom (which he won`t do) one night, but put it off till the next night.
This morning, he freaked because I forgot his lunch for work. I mean, I have enough on my plate with getting myself and my daughter ready in the morning, I don`t believe it should be my responsability to make sure he has his lunch. I do help him make it and carry it to the car, but it`s not my responsability.
I don`t even know how to explain it. it`s like my husband is so perticular about how he likes things done and I`m more laid back, so I am always on edge, almost not comfortable in my own house because I am always afraid I will do something he doesnt want me to do (like let my daughter play with the tupperware cabinet) or not do something the way he wants it.
It`s crazy to live like this , but this is how I feel.Am I alone here, or does someone else understand?
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Why should you do his lunch, he is a grown man, can he not do it all by himself?
My OH was controlling, to the point that I felt i couldn't do anything and if i didn't do housework etc, he would make comments to my freinds.
He has now realsied what a twat he was being - after I met someone else - and is a different person most of the time.
Think it would do you good to stand up to him a bit more, he is using you as a doormat.
When i try to talk to him about it though, he always ends up making ME apologize and making me feel as though I am the one that needs to work on herself and be a better wife. I love him dearly, but this constant stress is not helping my depression or anxiety problems.
Even friends, my family and even his family see what he is doing, although they just see it as ''He likes things done his way in his timeframe and exactly the same way he would do it''.
As for the apologising, my OH has a way of twisting things that make it look that I am the one at fault, he has a great knack for it.
Next time you talk to him and he twists things, don't apologise - tell him how you feel and walk away.
you said you battle depression. do you have a counselor or does he? have you spoken to her about what your life is like?
i agree with the other posters. 1--he is a grown man and 2--some of this sounds too over controlling and bordering on abuse.
come one over to the codependency board and read some posts there if ya feel like it.
blessings to you.