I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. We started off pretty quick- had sex a few days after the first kiss- moved in within one month. At first it was great. He was very charming, bought me fresh flowers every week and we cooked meals together. We went to Costa Rica after our first month together. I remember thinking, this is cool being in Costa Rica, but this isn't how I would do a trip. Very slow pace, relaxing... and I am more adventure and fast paced. We kept a journal together, he would write in it, and I would. So, after a year, when we were having the same fight that seemed like had been going on forever (I wasn't giving him enough sex, enough time, enough attention) I was able to look back and see that we had been fighting since January (a few weeks after we returned from our trip). In the relationship, I sort of lost myself... I worked less, felt uncomfortable answering my phone around him or doing homework while he was home. I fit my schedule around his and when he had his kid, and I grew resentful. I felt frozen. Since the breakup, he has joined CODA meetings and now takes yoga classes, privately and group at my local studio. I am a yoga teacher who introduced him to yoga. Now he has a yoga tapestry in his new place, and a Palestinian keffiyeh he wears, I am Palestinian. We did a two month freeze out on talking after the breakup, but on my birthday, I locked myself out of my apartment (that we used to share) and he came to my rescue twice (it happened twice that day), and that literally opened the door to him being back in my life and me finding out all these things he has been working on.
Meanwhile, someone my mom wanted me to marry three years ago moved into town once he finished his PhD, the day we broke up. I have been hanging out with him platonically, and he is very energetic and charismatic. He has announced that he wants to date me and kiss me our next hangout.
Also, I guy I had crossed paths with for 5 years, came back into my path and we went to a see a comedy show. I had friends a few rows up who ended up meeting him and sending me a message that we looked so cute together and that he was an interesting guy.
Lastly, there is a friend who I stopped talking to when I started dating this man, who has had interest in me and likes to do a lot of activities. He is thoughtful, fun, and likes to do the same things I like to do: surf, movies, be on the go.
Point is, I feel like I owe my ex a second chance since he is working on himself, and through this realize that I too am codependent. I do not know how to make a decision, because I factor in "poor guys like me, I cant say no, that might hurt their feelings or self esteem. I Know that I have a problem in thinking about other options when I am in a relationship, like the grass is greener on the other side. I feel like it's such a big decision in my late 30's to choose wisely for my future and don't really know how to just enjoy the experiences. Also, I can't let this other guy kiss me, because even though my ex and I are broken up, I see that I have opened the door to reconciliation.
I don't know if this is how this group works or if I did it right, but I wake up with these thoughts and spend the day trying to figure it out or trying to let it go. I really just want to hide for a few months.
I am new to BiPolar, although age 68, I was misdiagosed all these years and it has had catastrophic consequences, now seeing a new psych doc who has had extensive training in major psych hospitals. So far I am impressed with him. He ordered alot of blood work and wants to see me every two weeks for now. I am now in bankruptcy for a second time in 12 years. I kept telling my former psych doc...