I've made a lot of changes over the years and some of this includes stopping hanging out with certain people. There are some that I took a break from, but hang around with once in a while. One of them is pretty strange. He knows that I have ptsd but in my opinion I don't like the way he talks and acts toward me. He treats me I think pretty condescendingly. He also seems to think the weed is the answer to everything. While I have my medical card, I really don't think it's a cure all. In fact, I'm not sure it's the right choice for me anymore as it seems to make me more agitated and paranoid rather than helping me and frankly I feel like it's interfering with my ability to work.
Nothing I seem to say or do gives him the hint, and it's not even a hint sometimes. It's gotten to the point where I don't even send texts to decline coming over. Like I've had a very bad migraine and I don't want to drive over there tonight. If I told him that, he would insist that I come over and smoke. No, no thank you. I can't live my life in a haze. When I get massage work done, my muscles twitch. I don't know if that's because they are hitting my pressure points or due to having curves in my back, but it happens. My friend did some massage work on me and he notices the twitching. He's convinced it's because of the ptsd. Who knows, really, he said the only time it didn't happen was when I smoked with him. He is not a doctor and I really dont' like being talked to this way, from the perspective of "gee you are screwed up and **** up." Who is he, the ultimate authority on everything?
I had a boyfriend break up with me once becuase he said I was horrible in bed. (my relationship with this person is platonic, not sexual). To draw a comparison, he in the same way constantly beat the drum of "it must be you...it must be you, you must have some kind of head problem since you are bad in bed). Incidentally, I went on to have a fantastic sex life-without him-so what gives. Who thinks they are an expert on a person? No one is an expert on a person.
Being offered weed is one thing, having it forced on you out of insistence is another. Annoying.
Does anyone ever feel this? I do it a lot in periods of big change. Sometimes they're answers I am seeking and I don't even need them yet. I have never been one who can trust a process. I sometimes go overboard and fear terrible things will happen. Deep down I know this to not be true however I still feel it.
Lately I have been trying to connect with God/the universe or whoever it is that you may believe in. I feel that in finding my belief and connection that maybe my life can move in a positive direction. I suppose my question is who or even what do you believe in? And how do you go about talking to him? or her?