Emotional scars are not easy to get over. It just taks time, but I would say take it slow with the new guy, but go for it :) If you have a good feeling trust it and let go of the past and move on to the future :)Take care and good luck :)

That's one of the problems. This new guy isnt one that's going to let things go slowly, I think.

One of the problems? Or maybe on opportunity in communication.

I think you know how I feel about this, Kristy, but I will say it anyhow. Do not think that you are not worth a guy that will not understand what you need.

If he is unwilling to take it a little slow, out of consideration for you, then is he worth it?

You already know that you are worth it.

HI HI HI!!! Yay for you joining this community too! Yay!

Anyway, ya know, I kind of like the idea of not going too slow. Rushing around leaves less time for me to over analyze, which you KNOW I have a real habit of doing.

I have popped in and out of this community before...

Sometimes, overanalyzing is better than underanalyzing....

This is true. However, overanalyzing can lead to nervous breakdowns and coming across as a complete psycho.

Peace of mind and blance are way UNDER-rated. Take the time to work things through..do not put yourself on an unrealistic schedule of any sort (and don't allow anyone else to either:) -- Be very real w/yourself:) and in turn, with others. I've always said "awareness is key" -- and knowing how the past hurts, etc are affecting your present is a huge step in the right direction...as well as entertaining the idea of someone new. Put yourself 1st:) Best of luck to ya:)

I have found that it is VERY easy to allow the past to control our present and our future...Mind over matter, girl. First and foremost, YOU have to ALLOW yourself the risk of getting hurt. If the hurt occurs...just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. It is very hard to NOT let others control us. The shithead that you WERE with that cheated on you 5 times...is simply that: a liar and a cheat. BUT...these men are also manipulatave control freaks. Not allowing yourself to DIVE into this new relationship and truly experience all of the potentially wonderful feelings is just allowing the x-shithead to continue to control you...Rise up above it and if you want this new man...ALLOW yourself to be with him...it is our pasts which make us hard...Dont become hard because of your past...LEARN from it and take it with you to better your new relationships...ie: dont date men who have a tendency to cheat...and if it happens again...leave and move on...

good luck to you and be HAPPY...ENJOY this newness...be free and just be...enjoy it!!!

He is a new guy...don't assume he will treat you the same, unless there is something in your behavior that asks him to. (Ex: My husband is lazy because I take care of him all the time...I have learned to stop doing that.)

(Thank you therapy) :)

Balance, Balance, Balance...
If you don't want to take it slow, just make sure to not takei t too fast... and when you start to overanalyze something... well, there is something that i do...
ok, let's say that i start on a thought, and pursue it to it's conclusion... that is called, "analyzing"... or if one can't get to a conclusion with current information... then they drop that thought until more information becomes available...
Now, for overanalyzation... that is when one pursues the thought after it has been led to a conclusion, trying to wring more information, a diff slant... well, any multitud of reasons, or if it is inconclusive, just chasing the thought constantly trying to figure it out... and all of it is just mental masturbation and leaves noone any better off... so, what i do, is when i realize hat i am beginning to overanalyze, i say, "overanalyzation complete. Commenocing movemone on to new thought."
Ok, i am a geek, but basically, i give myself a swift kick in the ass and drop it.

Kristy,

You seem to be doing the exact correct thing by asking, "How do you get over what happened before?"

We have a tendency to "learn from our past". And this clouds our future relationships. It doesn't allow us to be ourselves with someone new in the present "now".

We have to accept and complete the past experiences. Be open to new worlds and new experiences with new relationships. Don't limit your new relationship because of what you've "learned". Grow and be empowered in a grand relationship that can't even be compared to the old ones.

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Gimme one of those !

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Ya know, I'm amazed at how much good information and how many good ideas I got off this. I think if I'd asked people that know me in day-to-day life I would've gotten alot of garbage. Thanks ya'll!!

I think the best thing you can do is to take time out and reflect on the 'bad' relationship. Why did you put up with such crappy treatment for so long? What did you do wrong in the relationship? Were there signs that you you should have seen way, way back in the beginning, and yet didn't? Or that you saw, but did not act upon?
Why is it up to this new guy how quickly or how slowly things are going to go?
Do you have anything to lose by moving into this new relationship at top speed?
Do you have anything to lose by taking is slowly?
You must decide for yourself.

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Get a sense of humour and perspective back.

Know what you want and be yourself.

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