
Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So, when you've recently had a very unhealthy relationship and you want to try your hand at a new one ... how do get over what happened to you before? Especially if it's all very new still?
Background: I was in a bad relationship. He wasnt very nice, and he cheated with 5 other women in the 5 years we were together. We still talk and are semi-friendly. He wants to get back together (after therapy) but I'm thinking no. This relationship ended 3 1/2 months ago.
Skip to now. I just met a new guy. I mean, we JUST met but already there's a very strong connection and I have a good feeling about him. I like him alot already, as much as it scares and bothers me. How do I get over what my ex did? How do I look at this new man through eyes that aren't so cloudy?
Background: I was in a bad relationship. He wasnt very nice, and he cheated with 5 other women in the 5 years we were together. We still talk and are semi-friendly. He wants to get back together (after therapy) but I'm thinking no. This relationship ended 3 1/2 months ago.
Skip to now. I just met a new guy. I mean, we JUST met but already there's a very strong connection and I have a good feeling about him. I like him alot already, as much as it scares and bothers me. How do I get over what my ex did? How do I look at this new man through eyes that aren't so cloudy?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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I think you know how I feel about this, Kristy, but I will say it anyhow. Do not think that you are not worth a guy that will not understand what you need.
If he is unwilling to take it a little slow, out of consideration for you, then is he worth it?
You already know that you are worth it.
Anyway, ya know, I kind of like the idea of not going too slow. Rushing around leaves less time for me to over analyze, which you KNOW I have a real habit of doing.
Sometimes, overanalyzing is better than underanalyzing....
good luck to you and be HAPPY...ENJOY this newness...be free and just be...enjoy it!!!
(Thank you therapy) :)
If you don't want to take it slow, just make sure to not takei t too fast... and when you start to overanalyze something... well, there is something that i do...
ok, let's say that i start on a thought, and pursue it to it's conclusion... that is called, "analyzing"... or if one can't get to a conclusion with current information... then they drop that thought until more information becomes available...
Now, for overanalyzation... that is when one pursues the thought after it has been led to a conclusion, trying to wring more information, a diff slant... well, any multitud of reasons, or if it is inconclusive, just chasing the thought constantly trying to figure it out... and all of it is just mental masturbation and leaves noone any better off... so, what i do, is when i realize hat i am beginning to overanalyze, i say, "overanalyzation complete. Commenocing movemone on to new thought."
Ok, i am a geek, but basically, i give myself a swift kick in the ass and drop it.
You seem to be doing the exact correct thing by asking, "How do you get over what happened before?"
We have a tendency to "learn from our past". And this clouds our future relationships. It doesn't allow us to be ourselves with someone new in the present "now".
We have to accept and complete the past experiences. Be open to new worlds and new experiences with new relationships. Don't limit your new relationship because of what you've "learned". Grow and be empowered in a grand relationship that can't even be compared to the old ones.
Gimme one of those !
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Why is it up to this new guy how quickly or how slowly things are going to go?
Do you have anything to lose by moving into this new relationship at top speed?
Do you have anything to lose by taking is slowly?
You must decide for yourself.
Get a sense of humour and perspective back.
Know what you want and be yourself.
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