
Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

deleted_user
Hello, my name is Dan. Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 1 year and about 9 months (July 6 would make it 2 years) and we have been having some serious problems as of late.Since the day we got together shes always had walls. Shes always pushed me away. She also has horrible self esteem. But it comes with good reason. She hasnever been close to ANYONE before. Her mother was an addict and gave her up to her Uncle. And she was always physically and emotionally abused until she was 13, which is when she was sent to a hospital. She was in different hospitals from 13 till 18. And She has been sexually abused on several occasions.
I wish I could understood her thought process better so i could be a better boyfriend. My patience with her has been wearing horrible thin as of late so I know I need to work on that. Is there any other advice anyone can give me? Or maybe insight on how someone thats been abused thinks?
Thanks in advance!
I wish I could understood her thought process better so i could be a better boyfriend. My patience with her has been wearing horrible thin as of late so I know I need to work on that. Is there any other advice anyone can give me? Or maybe insight on how someone thats been abused thinks?
Thanks in advance!
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There is always give and take in any relationship, especially when two people become committed to one another, but a relationship won't last if somone is always the giver and the other person is always the taker, and I'm not saying that anyone is doing anything intentional.
It sounds like you two have been in this relationship long enough that she should feel secure enough with you and recognize what you have been trying to do, but it needs some outside help in order for it to continue to grow.
Maybe you two could go to the park or somewhere and you could tell her that you love her very much and you want the relationship to grow, but you feel like you're limited in knowing what she wants and needs and maybe you two could see a counselor to give you some pointers. This might open a door for her without seeming to put any blame on what has happened to her in the past and she may feel relieved. You know that you're going to have to do it with kid gloves, and I wish the best of luck to you. She's a very lucky lady for having someone that is as caring as you, and I hope that it works out so she can start meeting you half way in this relationship. The possibilities are endless, but it takes two to make it priceless.
I would also like to comend you on being a good guy...
It sounds to me like she has alot of work to do before she can have a healthy relationship..She will never trust unless she get the right help...You can not "fix" her in any way..she has to do all the hard work on her own..I feel for her...But for you, you need to ask yourself if your getting what YOU need from this relationship..After 2 yrs you should know this by now and do what is best for you..
Thank you again for being on of the good guys,
Donna
And one is hardly ever drawn to be in a relationship with someone who has all that to contend with and who has, from the beginning, put up walls unless they, themself, have some issues that might benefit from some one on one counseling.
Good luck!!! You should both seek professional help. It almost certainly can't hurt and might likely help improve the quality of your relationship!!
Perhaps she should be in some type of therapy.