Hello All,

My husband and I have been together for 11 years he was 17, I was 19. We have been married a for 6 yrs. We had a problem almost right off the bat with his family. They didn't want him with me. I can honestly say I gave them no reason I'm a decent girl that most moms would've be happy to have there sons bring home. We'll his mom kicked him out at 17, but he was always protective of her (could've come from the fact that his mom & dad split up when he was 9 and he became the man of the house to her, and his two siblings, his dad was barley there especially for him. Anyway well we fought for years because his mom would say terrible things about me and he'd do nothing, she accused me of cheating, when I'm not that type, she would comment if I gained a little weight, when my dad passed away unexpectedly she made the comment that now I had him exactly where I wanted him, he would feel to sorry for me for the rest of my life to leave me. None of this affected him. Finally the day we got married in 2001 and he was able to watch her and her mother treat me horribly, he hasn't talked to her since. She said it was his fault and he chose. (basically saying me).


Well in the mean time she wasn't the only issue earlier I mentioned his dad. They have never had a relationship, his dad was always closer to his younger brother, and the two other kids he went and had almost immediatly after leaving my dh mom. Well anyway the night my dh graduated high school, my mom had cooked a supper for dh, and his dad showed up with the all the other kids and said he wanted to take just the other kids & my husband out to eat, well my husband was like well, her mom cooked for me. Well the dad said choose it's her or us. Well my husband stayed with me. So they didn't talk for years.

Well a few years later we found out dh dad was bad mouthing again about us getting married and that we were rushing into things and that my husband was making the biggest mistake of his life. We had dated for five years before we got married - dh didn't invite his dad to the wedding (dh choice).

Well a few years later dh started talking to his dad again, and stuff was going o.k. and then his dad met a woman, and stopped calling or coming around, which was what the dad always did when they were younger. So again they didn't talk for a few more years. Fast forward their talking again for a few years now and the sun sets and rises in his father you know where. His dad can say, do, act how ever and my husband is oblivious the same way he was with the mom. Heres some examples. I'll just give a few!

My husband is really great, but this family deal is a major fault for him. He says I mean everything to him, but his actions show otherwise. About a year ago I started having pain in my breast and one Saturday I passed out in the kitchen, well that same night we were supposed to go to supper at his dads, I wasn't feeling up fo it, but he still wanted to go and expected me to go so I did but I asked him if I start feeling sick we can leave right, well as soon as we got there he acted like I wasn't even there, and we ending up being there for like 3-4 hrs, (mind you I started feeling sick about 5 minutes after we got there and I told him that and he just ignored me). Well I went to the doctor and I had to have an ultrasound on my breast they found a lump, so I had been so worried about breast cancer, and he's telling me oh I'm scared and can't imagine my life without you so I went to have a needle biopsy he went along, and I was supposed to get my results that following Thursday (2006), well that weekend he comes home and starts fighting with me that since that following weekend he was going to be going hunting with his dad he thought I should call and try to find out the results sooner because he wanted to give his dad the common courtousy of letting him know in advance if he couldn't go. I'm like thanks about worrying about me when I'm worried about cancer. And when I did call him and let him know it wasn't cancer and it was fibrocystic tissue, he was like oh good, so I'm good to go and wanted to det off the phone to call his dad not talk to me and be happy that it wasn't cancer.

Well fast foward to this year I have had alot of health issues since I lost my dad unexpectedly in 2000. Well in Jan 07, I started loosing my hair, finally went to a dermatologist, and he says it's from stress and chronic illness. so it something that just has to run its course and I'm still going through it. Well anyway my husband got laid off in the middle of Sept for the 3 or 4th time in the last two years, and I've been just sick, worried, headaches, nauseau, dizzy, feeling faint( which I have a history of passing out). And he knows that we are on a budget, and you know when with finances it's about needs, and wants, well deer hunting isn't really a need when your laid off, but he felt he had to go, left me here knowing I was sick when I have no family near within an hour+. Am I wrong to feel like I should be his main worry as his wife, and then them (dad, brother, sister), but thats not the way it works 99% of the time because even him going hunting this year he knew it upset me because I was sick, and there has been alot of break ins in the small city we live in lately (he even went to the town hall meeting thats how worried he was) then he leaves me alone. I wasn't even invited to go by his dad but he wanted to take our dog. So what I'm saying is if it comes down to hurting me or making me mad, he would rather do that then get his dad mad or upset 99 X out of 100.

And all he kept saying to me is this is going to be the most awful 4 days, well and all I can think to myself is why are you going, and it comes down to pleasing the his dad at all costs. He's so starved for his dads affection that he makes me feel like (even though different love) he makes my love seem worthless when he just casts me aside, and doesn't seem to care about me. I think to myself when he's with his dad he acts like someone I don't even know.



I don't know if I can live like this because he doesn't see anything wrong and when I say something he says I just don't want him to have anyone in his life but me, and that I'm nuts and paranoid. And to make matters worse is I have been disabled since 2002 so no job, no money, and worst of all is I really love him, and I just wish he could see or feel how bad this hurts when he makes me feel discarded when he's with his family, because when none of them are in his life I'm everything to him, and when they are it's like your important to me when I want you to be. I'm just lost. Sorry so long, but my family is also no real help.

Thanks,
aka1977