Recently, I went to see a Psychic/ Spiritualist woman who seemed AMAZING and pretty accurate about certain things about, my life and situation that she couldnt have simply picked up on by looking at me. Not to mention, we vibed on a personal level which I feel made the reading so much more smoother and probably more accurate.
BUT when I asked about my current boyfriend, overall she told me things I mainly knew about him such as some of his specific character traits, uses, etc. I was very saddened though when she took a deep breath and then let me know that he had betrayed my trust. I couldn't believe what she was saying. So I asked her to be more specific, meanwhile my stomach is rumbling, and I'm feeling as though I am about to shit on myself. She then went on to tell me that he did not go out looking to cheat on me but he ended up meeting someone through his job. I then asked her for more specifics. She then continued by saying it seems like it's like a daughter of one of his coworkers or boss. This is possible I thought, given I know for certain his boss has a daughter and the service writer at his job has two daughters. She then went on to tell me the girl looks and feels about 20 she looks Caucasian she saw light brown hair. At this point I definitely had to shit. How could he fucking do that to me? There are definitely those young daughters of the men that go to his shop occasionally to get their cars worked on. Im confident he wouldn't do anything there but on a test drive with one of the customers aka young girl its possible. I mean I know that a part of me didn't feel completely safe with him (e.g. untrustworthy) but he's a socially anxious man and shit when we first kissed 3 1/2 years ago I had to make the first move because even after a few dates he was still awkward and a bit shy about it at 31 years old. Did I mention he was even married before for 6 years? Anyway, stomach is still hurting, and my mind is racing, I had to regroup myself and so I did. I quickly thought in my mind "okay this could be totally fake, even though she told me some totally real shit earlier. Keep rational I reminded myself" Then I asked her "Do you mean he cheated as in he had intercourse with this young woman" and she said "Yes and my guides are telling me that it wasn;t planned the way things happened was completely unexpected and random. In fact he sees her occasionally" MEanwhile Im screaming on the inside filled with hatred toward my signifcant other. She then continued by saying "I"m sorry sweetie I know it's tought to hear but you already know he's not the man for you. He's someone that's complacent in life (so true) and you are on a very different path in life (definitely true) and it looks like youre settling by being with this man (yep + family agrees). She then says "I want you to take this and let it be your fuel to get your life in order (fyi my life is not in order right now at all) He's not going to leave you. I see you eventually leaving him" My stomach was still grumbling. Then to make matters worse she says "He will see her again and she will become pregnant" Okay I think I officially shit on myself a little bit at this point. How could this be??! Could he really take it that far? He doesnt even fucking cum inside of me!!! He always asked me when he really wants to and I say no because I"m not ready for a baby. At this point I am feeling every foul and negative emotion you could feel. She also said " but it's gonna sizzle out. I see him sizzling away from her. And it looks like that baby will not be carried to term. I see it ending early" I then expressed to her how I felt. She reassured me that everything was going to be okay because deep down inside i know he is not for me (which is true) deep down inside she said she knows i am settling with him (more true) in fact some family memebers have told me this AND she also reminded me of all the good things that are coming to me in life. and then she said she saw later when I leave him down the road that things are going to be very bad for him. Very bad. This could be possible I thought. Why? Well my significant other is okay now because I am literally the LIGHT of his world. I am his positivity, his happiness, guidance, you name it. WE are opposities in some ways. He REALLY like his beer and I do NOT ever drink alchohol. Knowing his personality though, If I leave him I know he will not be able to emotionally and mentally handle it. I know for certain he is weak when it comes to hard "love" type of emotions. I am super confident he will go back to old uses very bad habits and probably get introuble and end up in jail. It's sad because this man is smart cute and has a lot of potential but a very tumultuous and troublesome childhood and psychologically unhealthy parents that that caused issues in him that still follow him today even though he has improved a hair. So any way, I'm sitting listening to this later as my stomach continues to hurt and I try to recoup myself after hearing this terrible news. NOW I know that it's technically just an opinion from her. BUT being a highly intuitive and spiritual person myself i know firsthand that some people are actually born with the spiritual gifts such as being able to connect with the spiritual world (guides, your angels and past loved ones) even though there are many people out there to claim to have this gift but do not.
The thing is even before I saw her I was already growing tired of my significant other. I was growing tired of always feeling like I can't be completely emotionally safe with him even though he has not given me obvious reason to not trust him but my intuition says DO not fully trust him. I also am very discouraged by the fact that over time I have come to learn that he just can't handle emotionas with out self-medicating. He medicates with anxiety medication and beer. For me, it's hard ALWAYS being the strong 1. It's not natural for me to always be the strong one. Not to mention, even though he has sloooooowly improved a hair, sometimes I feel like I am pushing against a wall to connect with him on an emotional level. It's exhausting. For the first two years of our relationship we had problems with sex too. He would barely have sex with me. BARELY. I felt like I was always needing to be the leader in the relationsship, the supportive coach, the positive person. WE have talked about all of this NUMEROUS times. After a while he started getting a little better. BUT he would take one step forward and then two back. It was frustrating. I tried to be Ms. Patient and Understanding since I knew prior to our relationship he struggled with depression and prior to that his ex wife left him plus his bad childhood and crazy parents that have a highly dysfunctional relationship. He has good qualities about him but I this point I'm beginning to feel that his negative qualities are things that will follow him for life and I don't feel comfortable imagining that someday if we have a family will he be able to handle additional pressure without more beers and more anxiety meds and more back pills. UGH. I don't foresee it being good.
Then the psychic reading just pissed me off. It literally just made me feel like leaving him that much sooner. BUT then I tried to keep a level head and realize that I have no objective proof that he cheated and for all I know the psychic could be wrong. Maybe she saw things that looked another way. Maybe it was another guy. or maybe I'm just not wanting to face the possibility that my boyfriend could have actually stuck his penis in another female and had sex with her and afterward came hom to me to "snuggle" and "kiss". Besides, what am I going to say, "Im leaving you because a psychic told me that you previously cheated on me with a young caucasion looking female that you met at work" but then I get concerned about what if it is true and god forbit I catch an STD. Sure then Ill have physical proof that he cheated but at the expense of my body and health? :(
The other problem I have now is I only work part-time on purpose. We agreed many months ago that if I only worked part-time I could focus more on my studies. I do trust though that he will provide. That much I trust about him because I know he wholeheartedly likes to feel like a provider and likes to take care of me in that way. Now though I am in a tough rut because I can not provide for myself completely. If I leave him I would not be able to make it witht he salary I make....
To make matters worse, I got accepted into a full-time LPN program that starts in a few weeks Full-time meaning Monday through Friday 7:30 am to 2:30 pm which means I can not work a regular day job. :( Now I could work night, full-time or get another part-time job but I would rarely be home to "babysit" my guy and my stomach, heart and thoughts are making it so difficult to think straight right now. I chose the LPN course as a way to get my power back and finally do something for myself instead always helping helping helping others and putting myself last but now this...
So I'd REALLY like to know what your honest opinions, thoughts and advice is on this matter. I know this is love but if you read and made it this far down, thank you so much <3
One lost and confused soul right now.
P.S. - Did I mention the psychic did say despite all of my worries I will meet a special guy some one I can trust. ;)
I feel like I've out grown My long term relationship. I'm in a place of learning mentally and I feel the person I've been with makes me the center of their world. They have no extra curricular activities and no friends. Since I've been in this relationship I've grown tiresome. I feel like I've turned into a different person. He has no problem with it being just me and him I think it's boring and...
Today is the day for Pachabel. Slept a solid 8 hours. Which is an amazing grace.