Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
A thread in the Divorce forum made me think a bit about breaking up and getting over somebody.
Being passionate doesn't mean the same thing as love. When we're in a relationship, there are a lot of emotions. Passion, attraction, desire, neediness, anger, hate, apathy, feeling hurt, disappointment, happiness, joy, etc...
I've recently come to realize that love isn't an emotion. Love is something we show to each other. It's an ability. So I show love by my actions or words. Emotions are derived from that display of love. And you show your love to your child by your actions and words.
When two people part ways after having a loving relationship, they continue to look for that display of love from the other person. They need that affirmation of love so they can get those emotions again. And the other person simply doesn't have that capacity for love for you any longer. We get confused when they attempt to be "nice". We want to confuse the former significant other's niceness with love.
We need to take responsibility for our emotions. Nobody else generates the emotions within us. Our emotions derive from the way we wish to see the events happening.
For example, "he left his family for another woman". It becomes a personal affront to us. We allow ourselves to feel lowly that this person that we've given our love to for so long, could disregard it and choose somebody else. Then we want to compare that chosen person to ourselves and decide whether we are higher or lower than that new person.
This is ludricrous! If our former significant other chooses to go somewhere else, why should we continue to desire them? That person is no longer capable of supplying real love (as explained above) in our life. But we know that we still have a capacity for love. And we can continue to live that life with everyone else. It's much better than pulling into our hole and only loving ourselves.
Being passionate doesn't mean the same thing as love. When we're in a relationship, there are a lot of emotions. Passion, attraction, desire, neediness, anger, hate, apathy, feeling hurt, disappointment, happiness, joy, etc...
I've recently come to realize that love isn't an emotion. Love is something we show to each other. It's an ability. So I show love by my actions or words. Emotions are derived from that display of love. And you show your love to your child by your actions and words.
When two people part ways after having a loving relationship, they continue to look for that display of love from the other person. They need that affirmation of love so they can get those emotions again. And the other person simply doesn't have that capacity for love for you any longer. We get confused when they attempt to be "nice". We want to confuse the former significant other's niceness with love.
We need to take responsibility for our emotions. Nobody else generates the emotions within us. Our emotions derive from the way we wish to see the events happening.
For example, "he left his family for another woman". It becomes a personal affront to us. We allow ourselves to feel lowly that this person that we've given our love to for so long, could disregard it and choose somebody else. Then we want to compare that chosen person to ourselves and decide whether we are higher or lower than that new person.
This is ludricrous! If our former significant other chooses to go somewhere else, why should we continue to desire them? That person is no longer capable of supplying real love (as explained above) in our life. But we know that we still have a capacity for love. And we can continue to live that life with everyone else. It's much better than pulling into our hole and only loving ourselves.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It just depends on if your the dumpee or the dumper..
the dumpee has a harder time getting over the relationship, due they wasnt emotionaly prepared for the break up.
the dumper is more than likely prepared. So its not as hard for them to move on and get over the past relationship.
Self -love is never constant, why should love of another person be constant ?
I think that by expressing our emotions, some people could assume that there is no love.
Love and Lovers have to evolve together to exist whilst respecting each others space and communicating effectively. A balancing act that constantly needs levelling out.
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