Healthy Relationships Support Group
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A thread in the Divorce forum made me think a bit about breaking up and getting over somebody.
Being passionate doesn't mean the same thing as love. When we're in a relationship, there are a lot of emotions. Passion, attraction, desire, neediness, anger, hate, apathy, feeling hurt, disappointment, happiness, joy, etc...
I've recently come to realize that love isn't an emotion. Love is something we show to each other. It's an ability. So I show love by my actions or words. Emotions are derived from that display of love. And you show your love to your child by your actions and words.
When two people part ways after having a loving relationship, they continue to look for that display of love from the other person. They need that affirmation of love so they can get those emotions again. And the other person simply doesn't have that capacity for love for you any longer. We get confused when they attempt to be "nice". We want to confuse the former significant other's niceness with love.
We need to take responsibility for our emotions. Nobody else generates the emotions within us. Our emotions derive from the way we wish to see the events happening.
For example, "he left his family for another woman". It becomes a personal affront to us. We allow ourselves to feel lowly that this person that we've given our love to for so long, could disregard it and choose somebody else. Then we want to compare that chosen person to ourselves and decide whether we are higher or lower than that new person.
This is ludricrous! If our former significant other chooses to go somewhere else, why should we continue to desire them? That person is no longer capable of supplying real love (as explained above) in our life. But we know that we still have a capacity for love. And we can continue to live that life with everyone else. It's much better than pulling into our hole and only loving ourselves.
Being passionate doesn't mean the same thing as love. When we're in a relationship, there are a lot of emotions. Passion, attraction, desire, neediness, anger, hate, apathy, feeling hurt, disappointment, happiness, joy, etc...
I've recently come to realize that love isn't an emotion. Love is something we show to each other. It's an ability. So I show love by my actions or words. Emotions are derived from that display of love. And you show your love to your child by your actions and words.
When two people part ways after having a loving relationship, they continue to look for that display of love from the other person. They need that affirmation of love so they can get those emotions again. And the other person simply doesn't have that capacity for love for you any longer. We get confused when they attempt to be "nice". We want to confuse the former significant other's niceness with love.
We need to take responsibility for our emotions. Nobody else generates the emotions within us. Our emotions derive from the way we wish to see the events happening.
For example, "he left his family for another woman". It becomes a personal affront to us. We allow ourselves to feel lowly that this person that we've given our love to for so long, could disregard it and choose somebody else. Then we want to compare that chosen person to ourselves and decide whether we are higher or lower than that new person.
This is ludricrous! If our former significant other chooses to go somewhere else, why should we continue to desire them? That person is no longer capable of supplying real love (as explained above) in our life. But we know that we still have a capacity for love. And we can continue to live that life with everyone else. It's much better than pulling into our hole and only loving ourselves.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
It just depends on if your the dumpee or the dumper..
the dumpee has a harder time getting over the relationship, due they wasnt emotionaly prepared for the break up.
the dumper is more than likely prepared. So its not as hard for them to move on and get over the past relationship.
Self -love is never constant, why should love of another person be constant ?
I think that by expressing our emotions, some people could assume that there is no love.
Love and Lovers have to evolve together to exist whilst respecting each others space and communicating effectively. A balancing act that constantly needs levelling out.
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