I read a good book (funny but ironic too) recently which mentioned this, the woman in it lost her orgasm through her husband not helping round the house, she built up resentment and her sex drive went on strike.

I get resentment, that I do 99% of the chores, the kids and go to work, and feel the same as you. If he helped me more, then maybe I'd feel like sex more.

The flip side of the coin, i have found and so have my friends, is that if you have regular sex, then men are more likely to help you out, cos they are happier.

It's a no win situation really - lol.

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I feel there may be a contradiction here, a 'lazy' partner wanting sex ?

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I think the 'lazy' is doing nothing around the house to help.

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Have you any idea how much effort it would take to make a 'lazy' partner want sex, never mind actually do anything about it ?

I think some compassion should be felt here, this 'lazy' partner is obviously trying.

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Typical male!

Maybe "can't be arsed to help you with the chores, but hey, let's have sex!!" would be a better way to phrase it.

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Ah, so some parners see sex as a chore ?

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Only the females who have partners who don't help out.

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What a dilemna.

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i felt this way during my marriage......
it's not rare.
i find that resentment doesn't help (although i certainly felt it). what helps is going on strike....
or telling hubby "you know, if you could (feed, bathe, pay bills, do laundry, do the grocery shopping, cook 3 times a week) i might be more interested in sex. i don't feel we are partners when you don't help out. i don't feel you care about me when you don't help out."
or going out for a really good time can help with the bonding.......

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I apologise, I just have this image of a 'lazy' partner having their snoring interrupted by the other partner who has just finished all the chores and is in the mood for sex !

:-)

Are you in a relationship BigBeeper?

If not, you now know how to make sure you get plenty of sex. If you are, then I think you really do need this communities help :)

Thing is tho to be honest, he doesnt pester me for sex or anything, just now and then says, we should be doing it more, he says things like, i wish you culd get your 'old minx' side back again, so i suppose its really me feeeling guilty coz we havent done it or dont do it often, feels like im taking responsibiity for the not doing it often , thats prob what it is , and also, i feel that if he done more around the huse, and we had sex more, i feel like he was helping around the house for sex, which will prob make me feel like im having sex coz hes helping with the house - if that makes sense

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It does, 'wanting' is not "doing".

Being 'lazy' is not easy you know, it takes a lot of effort to do nothing.

:-)

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That makes sense yes.

I think the bottom line with men, women and sex is - say a couple has sex twice a week, this is probably enough for the woman, maybe she thinks too much?, but with a man it is never enough.

Woman 'I have sex twice a week, I think that's alot'

Man 'I have sex twice a week, that is hardly at all'

its a shame really coz when we first get together sex is all over the place, really passionate etc etc etc but then when you live together, and get married (in no particular order !!) it seems to wear off to lucky if you get it once a week !! thats what i miss more than anything is the passion, kissing etc when we have sex now its a quick fumble in bed, when youre tired and would rather go to sleep.it lasts a few mins (if youre lucky lol ) and then youre left with the wet patch while the husband lays there, satisfied = yes because hes come - (but you havent)and then drifts off to sleep snoring his head off and then you cant get to sleep grrrrrrrrrrrreeaatt :-)