I guess I am very sad right now! No I am sad. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months yesterday. That may not seem like a long time to many but for me it was long. He was the longest boyfriend I have had in 10 years. I really like him. I finally met someone I actually pictured the rest of my life with. i have dated quite a few guys but mostly for the fun of it not for the forever. I really love Chad. But I am not good at the relationship thing so I kept pushing him away. I have been so scandalous in my past relationships that now that I cared about him I thought he was doing those things to me like cheating and lying. My mind was playing tricks on me. So I questioned him alot. I wanted him to show love the same way I do but he is different so I accused him of not loving me. I finally said things were not working and he agreed. Not quite what I wanted. I guess I wanted him to say he would change for me but he did not. He said he could not change and I would never love him for who he is. But I do. I love him, his laugh, his annoying nail biting, his cute butt, the way he held me. I love all of him and I want him back. And what if he came back, how could I change. I do not want to feel the way I use to. I want to have healthier thinking and trust and love. I want to know how!
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