I found myself turning down an invite to meet some girls to have a game night...something I've done before and enjoyed, but just wasn't in the mood to be around other people. My recent job search has me down in the dumps about myself....and I told myself I had too many things to do here in the house...but that was all bs. I see that I don't even give relationships a chance-fear of abandonment from childhood I guess.

My family and I live in seperate states, but I go to their city to see my little girl on some weekendsl...and this has forced me to be brave and begin a new relationship with all of these people that shared my jacked up childhood. None of us are good with relationships, but it seems that I've still yet to fiigure it out.

I'm hopeful that God will put certain people in my life just when I need them-and hopefully He can use me in the lives of others. He certainly isn't done with me.

I really don't want to be alone, but it just seems easier-keeping others out. As dysfunctional as that sounds.