I been with my man 4yrs, he is a great guy he has his faults at times but who doesn't :) I know he loves me, he is loyal, caring, supportive, encouraging, he's my best friend too.(I've known him10yrs) I have 2 children from a previous relationship he is a fantastic father figure to them and treats them as if they were his own. When we first got together i had always said i didn't want anymore children, but 6months ago after allot of thinking and soul searching I decided i wanted him to move in and have a baby of our own, when i told him he couldn't believe what he was hearing. The whole me not wanting any more children had caused problems in the past for us at one point i didn't think our relationship would survive, we have hit a few hurdles that i thought would be the end of us i had even left him within the first yr of our relationship, but couldn't be without him, and together we worked through it and it made us stronger than ever, so when i told him, he said he wanted to wait a bit longer, he didn't want me making a decision i might later regret, but up until now i have stuck with this decision and we've planned on him moving in, in february so in 5 months time, we have a few loose ends to tie up, well I do, and i want them out of the way before he moves in and he agrees with this. so for 6 months i have been excited and happy about him moving in and even more looking forward to having a baby with him, for some reason I'm now staring to feel like i have done the wrong thing, i feel like I'm not sure now and i don't know why nothing has changed between us, but i am finding myself being short with him, I'm finding things that didn't usually annoy me are now and then i wonder if i can live wit that, I'm also doubting having a baby, not because i don't want to, but because i worry that we aren't going to work out and i don't want to go through it all again, i don't want the pain and hurt and another child seeing their dad at the weekends and i don't want to let him move in and then if we don't work and the kids being effected by that, I know theses are the risks we take and I know when you've been burnt once u do everything to avoid it happening again, I don't think he will leave me that's not the problem, i think i will leave him and that scares me, it scares me that i even think it. I was once told to "stick at it and make it work because what you got is good, and he loves you" "stop thinking the worse". I can't help these doubtful thoughts, they are there for a reason, and i feel like i am looking for ways out, i certainly don't feel the same way i did a month ago and everyday that goes by i dwell on that more, I'm staring to feel like i am lying to him, giving him false hope, i don't know if i have changed my mid or if i am just freaking out, I don't want to have a conversation with him that doesn't need to happen if it is just that, but i don't want to let it go on. I don't want to make a decsion and regret it either way.
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