Healthy Relationships Support Group
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it's kind of a long story, but I'm madly in love with my boyfriend. We've been together for 13 months, and I want things to move forward. The problem is that this is only the second relationship he's been in (and he's 32). He has a pretty idealistic view of what love and relationships are. His family is very reserved about emotions, and I think that because his parents never allowed him to see any problems or issues that they may have had, he thinks that they didn't have any. He's scared that he won't be able to live up to that.
He also seems to be over-analyzing what 'love' is. I think he thinks that there is some defining 'thing' that will happen to make him realize he's in love. I know he's in love with me, but he can't say it out loud. He's written it, and some people have said that they can tell by the way he looks at me, but he can't say the words.
I'm trying to be patient and to just be there for him, and I've encouraged him to see a therapist, but I'm having a hard time hanging in there. I want a future with him, and I know that every time I get impatient or panic (which I am very prone to do), it pushes him away.
I guess I just need some advice about what I can do to help him and also to keep myself from getting impatient with him.
He also seems to be over-analyzing what 'love' is. I think he thinks that there is some defining 'thing' that will happen to make him realize he's in love. I know he's in love with me, but he can't say it out loud. He's written it, and some people have said that they can tell by the way he looks at me, but he can't say the words.
I'm trying to be patient and to just be there for him, and I've encouraged him to see a therapist, but I'm having a hard time hanging in there. I want a future with him, and I know that every time I get impatient or panic (which I am very prone to do), it pushes him away.
I guess I just need some advice about what I can do to help him and also to keep myself from getting impatient with him.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Encourage the Therapist to come and see him ?
I mean, no-one is going to see a Therapist.... especially when it is their partner who is recommending it.
Perhaps the Therapist would be of more help to yourself ?
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It doesn't seem like you have any other problems with him as he is. So try to understand that this may be your issue. YOU are the one that must have him express his love for you in a certain way. There isn't anything wrong with him if he doesn't. It may be the only way he can do that right now. And it can be modified later.
#3
I said it.
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Maybe if you havent, and he heard how it was affecting you yet how much you loved him he may feel like he has been given permission to be openly communicative with re: Lurve. Instead of pressured into it by expectation??
Just a thought - not necessarily the perfect thought.
#5
Thankless task.
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To me, it looks like you need to accept that what he feels for you is less than what you wish it to be.
It may be that he loves you very much, but the fact that he cannot and/or will not vocalize that says an awful lot.
He isn't the one who sees the current situation as being less than satisfying; you are. If you think therapy could be helpful -- and I sure do!!!! I've had some EXCELLENT therapy in my life, and it made all the difference!!! -- then YOU should get it!!!
It most likely can't hurt things and may very likely help you with your current dissatisfaction with the status quo!!!
Good luck!!! You guys have been together for a significant amount of time!!! I hope you guys find a way that is satisfying to you both!!!!