Hello Everyone,

This is my first time posting in this community. (Sorry if it's a long post). We started dating in May of 2003 and then married in 2006. Now I regret marrying him. I feel like I've wasted years of my life. I'm just glad I don't have children with him.

When I was dating him, my problems started with his mother. Just regular in law crap. He's a mommy's boy and the youngest (he has only one sister). I had to as well put up with stuff from his sister as well. I had to go through a lot of mean remarks said to me. I kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to say something. When we announced our engagement in 2004, none of his family congratulated us. Only person that congratulated us was my mom. They just wanted to see the engagement ring and when the wedding date was to be. I was so upset. It's not like I'm the evil daughter in law.

Whenever I have had to endure the crap said to me from the in laws, I ask my husband later of why he doesn't defend me. Then, he gets mad and says I'm too sensitive. We saw his family over the weekend. There was a situation with a rude clerk in a store. As we got out of the store, i said to my husband, mother in law and sister in law that I thought the clerk was rude and no one asked him for his opinion. My in laws pounced on me and said I was wrong and all this other crap. My in laws can never be wrong and will never admit they are wrong. A bunch of know it alls. The next store we went to, my sister in law was so mad at me she was like many feet away from me. Oh, I could tell she was mad at me. And for what? All I said was my opinion! I'm really tired of the in laws always thinking they are right. I don't often give my opinion about stuff because of this. However, this clerk was so rude that I did say something. So once again, I'm wrong. My mother in law said that my sister in law says I'm too sensitive. There's that statement that just sets fire to me. I cannot believe I'm called this all because of saying a clerk was rude. I've come to learn that with my in laws, I'm never to have an opinion and I have to keep my mouth shut. Which, I don't think that is right to have to keep my feelings inside all the time. I told my husband that I didn't think it was nice that he didn't defend me while his family tore me apart. I had to hold back the tears while they disagreed with me. i didn't want them to know I was crying because that would be one more thing.

So, all this stuff brings up other problems in the past. We get into arguments. He thinks I'm wrong all the time (must run in his family). He says cruel things about my mom that I don't like. That just adds fuel to the fire. In the last year, I've learned that my husband has no empathy or sympathy for people (I'm very much the opposite). He's only gotten more negative as time goes on. He has a temper that is absolutely horrible. he told me yesterday that I'm the reason for all the problems in the marriage. We argue about money a lot and he says he is tired of supporting me while I finish my last semester at school. I don't ask for a lot of stuff nor do I want much because of our finances. I don't qualify for financial aid anymore since we got married. I have one more semester to go until June. then I will graduate and will be able to get a full time job.

I've asked my husband to go many times to marriage counseling with me. However, he doesn't and says he doesn't need to. I cannot leave him only because I have nowhere else to go. He kept slamming that in my face yesterday and then mocked me when I cried. At one point, he got so mad at me that he came at me yelling in my face. I recall the first time he ever did this to me 2 years ago. It was such a surprise that I had a panic attack. This time when he did this to me last night, I pushed him away and told him to leave me alone. He kept doing it. I told him that I warned him 2 years ago never to do that and said he was pretty mean. His reply was, "Well, I'm not a nice person!" I know that and completely agree. I told him that if I could leave, I would but I have no place to go. He said, "You have to make the best of a bad situation!" I asked him how I do that when he won't work things out in our marriage with me. He just continued to yell at me and say I'm too sensitive.

My husband is also a negative person because he hates the job he has and what he has to do. I've tried to be supportive and suggest to find a different job that he would like better. He's yet to do any of that. he doesn't try and has no motivation to do so. So he stays in a job that makes him angry and then comes home and takes it out on me. Not fun for me at all!

I really don't know what to do since he doesn't want to work on the marriage. He apologized last night after all the emotional crap he put me through. I've heard that so many times that it just doesn't change things. Each time he yells in my face and puts me down, it just chips away at my heart. It's like I love him a little less each time. Often times, I feel dead inside and don't love him. I guess I stick around hoping it will get better. I don't see that happening especially since he doesn't want to work on the marriage.

I suggested to my husband that if we cannot work on our relationship in 2008, then I don't know why we should stay married. he went off on me and told me to get out then. He knows that my 2 cats and I have no place to go. I'd be living on the street if I left. Then he mocked me when I cried.

I feel suffocated and trapped in this marriage. I don't even want to be around my in laws at Christmas. My mom is coming to visit soon and once again, I will have to listen to my husband lecture her. I'm starting to dread everyday of my life in this marriage. I don't know what else to do until I am finished with school and have a full time job. Then I can leave with my cats and make a new start. Until then, I'm living in hell everyday. :( This does nothing for my high blood pressure and being a diabetic.

Thanks for reading my very long vent.

Happy Holidays