It had been weighing on my my heart so much, everything he said I was taking the wrong way, it got to be too much to hold in. I know he's not in love with me, he's "interested" and "cares", but he's not in love. But I had to tell him. Because holding it in was making everything worse. We had a huge fight, I was so frustrated with myself, I took it out on him. It was awful. So I just decided he should know the truth. Why I was so up and down, why his words, or lack thereof, made me so happy one minute and cry the next. I've only felt this way once before, I didn't realize it at first, it's been 10 years. I didnt' think another man could affect me like this again. I never wanted one to. I never wanted to feel like this, so vulnerable, so easily hurt. And I know it's gonna hurt more now that he knows. I've never even heard his voice, but from the very first thing he wrote me, I fell, crazy, hopelessly, frantically, deeply in love. I tried to ignore it, then thought it was just a crush, but after awhile, I remembered. This is what it feels like. To think about someone every waking moment, to go nuts all day waiting to hear from him. I told him, and it felt wonderful. I've probably ruined everything, he was probably shocked and maybe even a bit horrified, IDK, but he had to be told the truth. I had to tell the truth. My stomach is in knots, not knowing what he is thinking or if he'll even want to talk to me again, but I just thank God that I know I can love again, that I have the guts to take the chance, no matter how much it hurts.
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