So i dont know what else to do..
I havent been the greatest girlfriend. I emotionally cheated in my relationship by having a crush and flirting. Its not something Im proud of. Recently i have been honest with him and worked hard to tell hik even though it could result in breaking everything. I know he deserves the truth and so I have been trying to be better. Hes starting to hate me more. He told me i have till August 31st to show I love him and respect him. I got rid of the person i flirted with and talked to. I understand why hes angry. He expressed to me that he didnt like me a bit and then said that i dont see a reason to be nice to me and he says alot of mean things but i havent been responding which has also been getting a negative thing. He says that Im a hoe now. And that its not satisfied to fuck me and that all hes gone through cause of me. My depression has been getting worse to the point of suicidal thoughts. To this point now i still am having it and i know how i would do it. Overdosing and taking a bath and slitting my wrists. I ended up waking him up to talk about it and told him i felt it was stupid and later in the conversation he said it wasnt. He calls my crying bullshit now and tells me if imma cry to go in the other room. I got kicked out of my home and i live in an okay but expensive area. It sucks. He says with his brother sometimes that hes just like me doesnt listen. And it just makes me feel worse sometimes. We hunf out with my neighbors a couple nights ago and got high with them and my friends boyfriend was being a crackhead and i laughed at it cause i thought it was funny. But i guess i ended up ignoring my boyfriend a few times.
I feel so stressed i cant even explain it in a whole post. I have the apartment,getting a job, renting out furniture, not killing myself, this pregnancy is a big part. I know my boyfriend is the father. But he says its not and he refuses to take care of it and told me i should abort it. I was contemplating it alot of times but i think i want to keep it. Its hard being an adult of fucked situations. Im definetly not in the right but idk what to do how to deal with it. How to show him. Anything. I want to die really
I have been grappling with my condition/conditions for a while on the topic of how much of it is me, and how can I accept myself with my illnesses and flaws. A dear friend of mine has really broke open something for me. She managed to get me to realize that the shame and guilt and frustration I have because I consider myself 'broken' are itself contributing towards a lot of the negative things I...