Hi everyone! I'm new here. I moved out of my house about a month ago to try and "scare" him into knowing I was serious about leaving if he didn't try to change his ways. Turns out he likes it better this way. He basically is choosing his friends & alcohol over me & it just SUCKS! I called his mother last night to tell her what was going on and to see if she could talk to him...but it didn't make a difference. We went to one counseling appointment & then he went out to the bar with his buddies the next night. Six months after we got married (4 years ago) we went to my work (I was a bartender) for New Years and the bouncers caught him & his friends with cocaine, something I had NO idea he even did! That was the first trust issue....but I was willing to stick it out. He swore up and down that he would never do it again, that he had only done it a few times. Then last year, he went to Missouri for work for 9 months so he could make more $ and we could get ahead. I hated it, but had gained my trust back, so he went. We saw each other about 3 times during that period & everything seemed fine. Then went he came back & I kissed him....something just wasn't right, it was different. Call it women's intuition or whatever, but I decided to look through his wallet. I found a piece of paper with the name Rachel on it & I thought...."Who the fuck is this?!" So I decided to check the cell phone bill online. I had been paying all the bills the whole time & never once knew checked the phone bill! To tell the truth, I didn't know how! LOL. But when I looked at the bill that # came up. 60 calls within a month & a half!!! :( So I called from his cell phone and she didn't answer. I left a message saying that I am his wife & I would appreciate her not calling my husband! She didn't have time to even check the message before she called him back (and it was 4am!). I said I am his wife and was wondering what was going on with my husband. She was stuttering & stammering saying they were just friends, blah...blah...blah. I just hung up. I confronted him & he was shocked that I found out as well! Of course he told me they were just friends. I started packing my bags, but he convinced me to stay & work it out again. But we never went to counseling & for me it really wasn't resolved...and again, I felt betrayed. I started drinking a lot to cover up how I was feeling, but then I'd just get angry or sad and I would bring it up & he didn't like it. Then he started hanging out with these younger guys at his work. It was all about drinking, golfing, softball & going out. I would go sometimes just because at least I was with him & got time with him, but it was always with HIS friends! These last 4 months, when he'd go out he wouldn't pick up my calls & I had to drive around looking for his car at the bars. That wasn't me!!! I didn't want a marriage like that!!!! So I left. I guess he likes it better because he basically told me last night that he's not going to change, he doesn't want to change, that he doesn't want to go to counseling because he knows nothing is going to change. He doesn't want to work on it. I can't understand choosing that lifestyle over me.....the person that he supposedly loved. Then he says I'm his best friend & that we can be friends!!! I told him I can't be friends with someone that does this to another person, who treats someone this way. :( I'm just so broken down. :( Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. I just needed to get it out. Any advice would be helpful. :)
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