Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I'm going to try to make this as short as I can.
I've had failed marrages. The last relationship I was in, I was happy for the first time in my life.
Found out he was addicted to porn. and then finally -he met a girl and it was over. My life was over! I went into depression for 3 months.Then I went into a "I hate all men stage"
I got my own place-good job. was finally independant for the first time in my life and it felt good.
I dated alot of guys but hated them all. After 3 years I decided I would try it again-but this time-I would be sure. This time it's going to be "the one". This time I'm going to be happy!
Then comes my next hubby. we started dating. He listened to me. He found out everything I wanted in a man;and put on a big act! He knew everything about me, everything in my past. He supposably was honest with me too. Told me his last wife was additted to porn too and he hated it.
He treated me like gold. We get married-everything is great-we buy a house-it's awsome.
Then.. one day I was going threw some of his old bills. cleaning out file cabinet. And found out he was 20,000 in debt. and when I further checked, we couldn't even afford the house we bought. He was charging everything! Then, I find out alot of his debt went toward 'PORN'. sometimes $300 a night!! I then.. talked to his X. and found out real story. He was addicted to porn..He would get on computer in porn sights and jack off every day. He also lied to her contantly.They had "3somes" went to strip joints.
Screwed on cam..I could go on and on. That on top of many, many lies.
So of course, I went off. and we fought and fought, but I kept finding out more lies, which he would never admit to any of them-unless,He had no way out. then still tryed to lie.
To make it short-I decided to stay with him and give him a chance, only because, I believed he really loved me. and I didn't want another failed marriage.But.... I didn't trust him.
So.. after a while. we seemed to be getting threw this, I began to put it behind us,and began to try to rebuild my trust again. Everything was getting back to the way it was.
Then one day-He totally changed. went from wanting sex all the time- to hardly ever, no affection,no comminication,treating me really bad.
this went on for over a year, we've only been married for 2. Then this summer he went to California to his daughters graduation. when he came back-he said things was going to change-and he's been treating me "better" nothing like before but better. But. it seems like he's forcing himself. he never compliments me still. still doesn't want to cuddle, have sex.
I have tryed and tryed to get him to talk to me. I even wrote him a long letter telling him how I feel and I left him, so he would read it. He told me he read it. than later found out he didn't, which was a big slap in my face. letting me know he doesnn't care about me or how I feel.
He says he was treating me so bad.. because of stress from work.He has been a manager for 30 years, and he's always been able to handle stress. I don't think this is the reason. I'm afraid he was having an affair. but if he was I don't know how because he is always at work. if he did than it had to be "someone at work". and there would be no way for me to find out. because they would have been very decreet, as both of them would lose their jobs and benefits.
Then I think maybe I'm just being paranoid!
All I know is if I knew his past before we got married-I wouldn't of even dated him! And wasn't fair to me, because I was honest with him.
He keeps me confused all the time, because he will tell me he loves me. and treat me good enough where if I say something "he will say that "nothings wrong".
But.. I have strong feelings something is wrong and it won't stop. and I'm tired of trying to get him to talk to me. He gets mad. says everything is alright.
All I know is if "He can not talk to me, and can not treat me "like he did" than I'm going to have another failure!!
examples.. He doesn't kiss me hardly ever, doesn't act like he misses me... doesn't kiss me when he comes home. doesn't want to have sex, even after many hints from me. doesn't do any of the things he used too.
and again... it's always because of "stress from work!
I don't know what to do anymore!:(
I've had failed marrages. The last relationship I was in, I was happy for the first time in my life.
Found out he was addicted to porn. and then finally -he met a girl and it was over. My life was over! I went into depression for 3 months.Then I went into a "I hate all men stage"
I got my own place-good job. was finally independant for the first time in my life and it felt good.
I dated alot of guys but hated them all. After 3 years I decided I would try it again-but this time-I would be sure. This time it's going to be "the one". This time I'm going to be happy!
Then comes my next hubby. we started dating. He listened to me. He found out everything I wanted in a man;and put on a big act! He knew everything about me, everything in my past. He supposably was honest with me too. Told me his last wife was additted to porn too and he hated it.
He treated me like gold. We get married-everything is great-we buy a house-it's awsome.
Then.. one day I was going threw some of his old bills. cleaning out file cabinet. And found out he was 20,000 in debt. and when I further checked, we couldn't even afford the house we bought. He was charging everything! Then, I find out alot of his debt went toward 'PORN'. sometimes $300 a night!! I then.. talked to his X. and found out real story. He was addicted to porn..He would get on computer in porn sights and jack off every day. He also lied to her contantly.They had "3somes" went to strip joints.
Screwed on cam..I could go on and on. That on top of many, many lies.
So of course, I went off. and we fought and fought, but I kept finding out more lies, which he would never admit to any of them-unless,He had no way out. then still tryed to lie.
To make it short-I decided to stay with him and give him a chance, only because, I believed he really loved me. and I didn't want another failed marriage.But.... I didn't trust him.
So.. after a while. we seemed to be getting threw this, I began to put it behind us,and began to try to rebuild my trust again. Everything was getting back to the way it was.
Then one day-He totally changed. went from wanting sex all the time- to hardly ever, no affection,no comminication,treating me really bad.
this went on for over a year, we've only been married for 2. Then this summer he went to California to his daughters graduation. when he came back-he said things was going to change-and he's been treating me "better" nothing like before but better. But. it seems like he's forcing himself. he never compliments me still. still doesn't want to cuddle, have sex.
I have tryed and tryed to get him to talk to me. I even wrote him a long letter telling him how I feel and I left him, so he would read it. He told me he read it. than later found out he didn't, which was a big slap in my face. letting me know he doesnn't care about me or how I feel.
He says he was treating me so bad.. because of stress from work.He has been a manager for 30 years, and he's always been able to handle stress. I don't think this is the reason. I'm afraid he was having an affair. but if he was I don't know how because he is always at work. if he did than it had to be "someone at work". and there would be no way for me to find out. because they would have been very decreet, as both of them would lose their jobs and benefits.
Then I think maybe I'm just being paranoid!
All I know is if I knew his past before we got married-I wouldn't of even dated him! And wasn't fair to me, because I was honest with him.
He keeps me confused all the time, because he will tell me he loves me. and treat me good enough where if I say something "he will say that "nothings wrong".
But.. I have strong feelings something is wrong and it won't stop. and I'm tired of trying to get him to talk to me. He gets mad. says everything is alright.
All I know is if "He can not talk to me, and can not treat me "like he did" than I'm going to have another failure!!
examples.. He doesn't kiss me hardly ever, doesn't act like he misses me... doesn't kiss me when he comes home. doesn't want to have sex, even after many hints from me. doesn't do any of the things he used too.
and again... it's always because of "stress from work!
I don't know what to do anymore!:(
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Maybe things fail cos your picking the wrong type of guys! Not to judge you or anything but you do have a pattern you see it yourself.
Well hung out with the guys once a week for ten years and finally got the jokes. She had sex with a bunch of the guys,easy sex. I had been hanging out with and confiding with these guys for 10 years.
I would not have dated my wife if i knew the truth.
@ kids and 9 years later I am making the best of it, fraud or no.
Sounds like your hubby is either depressed or cheating.
He needs your help
Make earnest attempt to support and understand
It is amazing how people who love us can hide such huge charachter flaws from us.
I my case i ignored alot of evidence before finally dmitting truth.
Try your best sorry JJ
He has had my support and will have my support. But.. I can't live without affection,I know alot of people do. but I'm not one of them.
If .. however.. I find out "ANY" more lies or if he's had an affair!!
Lord! Help Him!!