I think this is one of the warning signs that needs to be fixed before you get married.

I promise you, it's much more difficult to fix this after you get married.

I don't think it is cold feet I think it is your intuition yelling at you. I had these same warning tingles befor I got married but I just pushed them down because I thought the positives out weighted the negatives. It is still true. Despite divorcing him and things been bad between us right now I still love him and think he is an amazing person HOWEVER it was the lying,anger issues and, the self centerness that finished us off (10 years down the line) and those were the things that I worried about and had doubts over before we married.
Follow your intuition, Brian is right it is way easier to resolve issues before marriage. I suggest counseling sooner rather than later and definatly before the small issues become too big to handle.

He may be handsome, but I think his 'bad behavior' disqualifies him from being a great guy, hilarious, romantic, and/or sensitive.
If you weren't going with anyone and a friend wanted to fix you up with someone handsome who, when angry, yells, gives you the silent treatment, broods for days,
communicates by using as little conversation as possible, refuses to take any responsibility whatsoever for his behavior and in fact, blames it on YOU, leaves without so much as a 'goodbye' and who, when confronted about this type of cruel behavior, responds with more of the same, would you jump at the chance and say, "Yes!!!!! He sounds just like what I'm looking for!!!!!"?
That's the trouble with relationships!! It's all so wonderful at first and the 'bad' stuff doesn't usually come out, straight away. Generally, it's just one little thing, that's fairly easy to overlook. And it escalates so slowly that before you know it, you're in a relationship that -- had it been that way right at the very start -- you would never choose to be in.
IF he learns healthier ways to deal with conflict, then he does indeed sound like quite a catch!!!!
Until and unless that happens, I think you would be extremely unwise to go any further in this relationship.
Not only is it not acceptable now, it will most likely get even worse, after marriage!!!
Couples counseling would probably be the fastest and easiest way to solve this very serious problem, if it can be fixed. And really, about the only thing that may prove to be too big an obstacle to overcome will be if he keeps refusing to realize that a significant part of the problem is the cruel and unfair way he reacts to things.
This is your future that you are building now. You can't be too careful in doing all you can to see to it that it's a happy, healthy one, that you will never regret!!!!
Good luck!!!!! He really does sound like he's got the makings of a wonderful husband -- but ONLY if this one, very big issue is successfully resolved!!!!
Take care!!!!

Sounds to me that this fellow is suffering from Anger Management Issues! If this is before the honemoon stage, can you just imagine what "joys" you will have after the honeymoon stage? Just food for thought! I think you already know the answer to this question!
Best of luck, you are a very smart lady, therefore make the best decision for you!

Girl they rarely get better He may be that one that has a change but UUMMM. Try seeing if he'll go to anger management and seek help he may have an unresolved issue some where. Something may be bothering him ya know. It could be so deep down that he don't even know what it is. I'm sure he's a nice guy and that is what keeps us hanging on that little bit of hope then they start blacking our eyes.

I agree it needs to be taken care of before you marry. Once you get married it can become very hard to leave. If he is talking to you this way before you are married and can leave him without the court process, what will he say and do once you have to go through the courts to get out?

You guys are the best! I mean that truly... has anyone gone through relationship counseling/pre-marital counseling? Does it work? Is there a difference between the two? I mentioned this to him and he said he'd go through with it for me...
I've talked to his Mom and sisters about his anger/fighting skills and she just emphathizes and tells me he's been like this since he was a child. At first I thought it was just me, but it's somehow engrained into his personality. Does this mean it's hopeless? He'll always be this way?

it's hard to say but if he has been like that since he was a child. it may be hard for him to turn around because that all he knows. Also has his mother ever put him counseling when he was a child? Maybe u should try going to church that sometimes can have a profound effect like talking to a pastor. Goodluck!!!

"He yells, won't talk to me, broods for days and basically gives me one-word answers, and "it's never his fault and because I did X, Y or Z, that's why he is acting that way." He'll leave without saying goodbye, and when I tell him how cruel he's acting, he responds with more anger."


that's emotional abuse my friend. no it's not hopeless. yes, people can change. if they want to, that is.

i have many friends who attended pre-marital counseling and it works. get it all out and then decide what you want to do. that's what i'm doing.

I think this behaviour in it's self is something i would choose not to marry - at all - ever.

However i am basing this on what you have shared re: "it is never his fault"

If, on the other hand, he was able to admit that his reactions to things are over the top / cruel / not fair/ and recognises that he should get help to understand where this behaviour / anger comes from and is actually willing to get it - & DOES pursue getting it - then the relationship could work.

But... if he maintains there is nothing wrong with his behaviour, that it is your fault and that you deserve it - it is emotional abuse and manipulation, at best it is highly unfair and promotes an envirionment of inability to resolve conflict civily and a breeding ground for resentment.

Do you think you deserve to be treated this way by him for the next 5 / 10 / 20 / 50 years????
If your answer to that question is NO, then you know what you'r answer to marriage should be....

I think pre-marital or relationship counseling is an excellent idea. And I am not going to commit to another relationship without it.

Think of it this way. Marriage is a behavior changing event. Use the opportunity to transition into it easily. I also believe this is the best opportunity to fix any anger issues if there are any.

And he is open to it. He knows this is important. He's marrying you because he wants to be happy. He wants change.

I've learned that things we learned from when we were young DO affect our actions today. But, when we become aware of these behaviors, we can correct them and be happier.

Okay, I'm going to start out by telling you that my marriage ended after 29 years.
But, having said that, we started having problems at the very beginning of our marriage and went for marriage counseling, and it was wonderful!!!!! It made a world of difference in our relationship!!!! I highly recommend it!!!!
There were, I think, 3 factors that eventually brought about the demise of our marriage.
One, my husband had never been in love before he met me and was, in fact, a virgin. You know that 'high', infatuation period you have at the beginning of a romantic relationship? Well, we got married before that part died down and he, having no prior experience in such matters, had thought that it would always be like that and was bitterly disappointed when things became routine. But even then, we not only loved each other, we also liked each other and I think there was still enough to build on.
Two, we have a mentally disabled son. That's high stress on a marriage. In fact, the divorce rate for that runs at about 80%.
Three, I'm Bipolar and wasn't diagnosed until after the divorce. I think the divorce rate for that is about 90%.
I think, considering all the strikes against us, we lasted a lot longer than many others.
And I can also tell you that I think that without the marriage counseling, we wouldn't have made it 5 years.
Good luck to the both of you!!!!! I think you've got a great chance for true happiness!!!!!!

Say no more. This is the classic mistake of starting from the outside and working in. Of course, the outside is what we initially SEE and what makes the sexual sparks fly! Emotional needs are the heart of the relationship, though, and the heart needs to be addressed pronto. If you're emotionally mismatched, DO NOT get married! Two friends of mine have been in an unhappy relationship for almost 7 years and never will be happy together, but they're both too afraid to be alone and afraid to pursue others outside our circle of friends that they're stuck in their comfort zone. He suffers from manic/bipolar disorder and his only emotional expression is anger. She suffers from depression and tends to be overbearing, controlling and domineering, because she's insecure and isn't getting enough love. If there are any red flags at all that you two are not compatible, and the two of you are not able to talk about it without him getting angry, get out.