I have been married for just over two years now, have been with my husband for nine years off & on...since I was 18 years old, and we have an eight month old son who is the light of my life. I am FINALLY realizing what everyone close to me in my life had always tried to tell me...that my husband is not right for me. I had always defended our relationship to the core...I have always wanted to love, support and accept him, despite all the things he has done over the years and all the heartache he has caused me. I am beginning to think that I had just been holding onto the feelings I felt for him in the beginning of our then young relationship. I wanted that feeling back so badly that I kept coming back to him time & again, and I had convinced myself that he was the only one for me. I look back now on the things that transpired throughout our relationship...patterns of lies, broken promises,drug & alcohol misuse, mean words and mood swings...break-ups...how did I miss SO MANY signs??? It's like I was blinded..addicted even..I was heading straight for a cliff & everyone tried to warn me, but I took the plunge anyway. Now I feel trapped, lonely, in a deceitful..not affair, but other ways..loveless marriage. Despite all this, I still desperatly want to be in love & have faith in my husband..that somewhere inside of him there is still the great man that I thought was in there. But he doesn't seem like he really wants to make any effort to make things better...I never believed in divorce, we have a beautiful baby..who I pretty much care for solo..who I would NEVER want to cause any hurt to...I am forever connected to this man regardless of my ultimate decision..anyone in this same boat?
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