Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I have done something in my relationship that may have driven the man I am with away for good. I held on to my frustrations about him not spending quality time with me. When I just couldn't take it anymore I just blew up at him. Ok he went to work, he's self-employed, he went to look for car parts with his friends. He went to work that morning then to the junkyard to look for parts, then to the mall, then he came home. But before I got home he was gone. When I got home I called him and he said he was going to his friends house, one of the friends he was with all day. So I ask how long will he be he said not long. Then about 30 min later I called him about 3 times he did not answer his phone. This brought up a suspicious feeling he may be at another woman's house, so I left home to see if he was at this friends house, I still called on the way there and he finally answered and said his phone did not ring and he was at his friend house. He ended up hanging up the phone in my face because I questioned him why he did not answer his phone.His car was there but he still was not answering his phone. So I made the alarm on his car go off and he came outside. I went off on him because I was angry about him not spending time with me but he can go spend time with his friends all day and night. So to cut things off I messed up what we had and I dont know how to fix it. I mean I made him upset by fronting on him in front of his friends and I feel he will never forgive me for it. He has not talk to me since this has happened he wont answer any of my phone calls he comeshome and he wont say a word to me at all. I need some advise on how to fix this. What do I do to at least get him to say something to me even if it is I hate you. I want to talk about it. I sent him a text message to say I am sorry but he still wont have anything to do with me at this time. It has been 4 days since he said anything to me. I am hurting real bad.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Has he ever given you a reason on to believe him?
Are you trying to control him?
Those will be enough to start with!
First if you do not trust him, you cannot have a sucessful relationship anyway!
Two, you cannot control and man,, the more you try, the farther you push him away!
I would give him to time to get over the embarrasment you caused by tracking him and confronting him in front of his friends!
Good luck!
Yet also this sound like a relationship game you both been playing at for a long while?? is anyone actually winning yet or is it just tail chasing?
There is also the aspect of: he may be feeling ritious about the public humiliation and feels to hold his stance because he was actually at mates place and you were wrong but i personally don't think thats fair because obviously this isn't about that one day - this sounds like its about trust, attention, needs and wants, which are not being met. Maybe his arn't either and thats why he seems to be acting selfish?
Hun if 'days' of ignoring is a long and tourturous time. If he cant come around out of his "i am right" attitude and see that this all happened because you were feeling hurt, anxious and confused about his behavour then what do you really have to work with??? I think you may have handled the situation poorly but does that mean you deserve to be punished in this way? Have or would you punish him this way? Maybe counselling is something to consider if he would participate, and try broaching it in a way that is not about fixing him but about fixing the relationship, a chance for him to also express his needs and wants and how to get them met.
Godd luck hun, this sounds like a big and complicated tangle that needs some delicate un notting techniques.
I doubt very much that you would feel any relief whatsoever in his saying 'I hate you' -- unless it led to a following dialogue in which you two would once again have an ongoing relationship of some sort.
You screwed up badly, and so has he. You both need to learn healthier ways to relate and I really think that the only hope you have of doing so is to both commit to some professional counseling. Unless you both really want the relationship to work and are willing to take responsibility for how each of you has contributed to the problems that exist, there is probably not much chance for the two of you to succeed, as a couple. Even if the both of you want this, you have a long and difficult road ahead of you.
Good luck to the both of you, whatever you decide to do. I wish you both the very best!!!!