
Healthy Relationships Support Group
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How do i get my man to talk about our probs?

deleted_user
There are issues in our relationship that i need too talk about,and i said last yesterday to him "lets talk 2nite". he said fine but when it came to it he said he was too tired and didnt wanna talk.It left me so frustrated and now weve had a major row and hes stormed off not talking to me. He just wont communicate no matter how much i try.I feel like im being emotionally strangled and cant cope. I love him,we have a baby, and i want it to work but how do i get him to talk. Its like achieving the impossible!Please help.Ive done nothing but cry all morning and i feel like i cant cope with this anymore.thank u
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I think that is why I built up so much resentment, because I wanted to talk, and he wouldn't.
Now, we do talk, I don't know how you can manage it, but I tell him to sit down, that we are talking it through. Many times he stands up and tries to leave the room, but I tell him to sit down again.
However I have had 18 years of the previous way, so it has taken some time - lol.
Plus, I am a different person to the one I was a year ago, I don't put up with crap anymore.
if he dont wanna read it then well, he's not wanting to put his effort in to make it work.
Kidding... kinda.
Often the reason men are afraid to have these talks is that you're so much better at it than us... and these talks can often end up with us feeling tongue-tied and defensive. I've had girlfriends bring up things I said three years ago in a letter before we were even dating as counter-arguments to what I'm expressing.
Do you find yourself trying to argue with his point of view when he says something? I.e., "I feel like you're not including me in your life," "What about last Saturday when I asked if you wanted to go out with me and my friends? What about when I tried to invite you to that baby shower? What about when you said you'd rather watch the game than come over to my mother's for our annual Easter brunch?"
A lot of times we just don't want to have these talks because we end up feeling like idiots afterwards... Maybe you could try to ease him into one by starting a conversation based on how HE feels, and not contradict him; just listen, and try to understand even if it sounds stupid. Which it likely will; most of what we say sounds stupid, even to us. We just can't concentrate when we look into those big [brown/blue/green/hazel] eyes of yours.
:)
It's emotional abuse. I even went so far as to leave him and left him a lengthy letter hoping he would read it and he would get how serious it was that we talked.
Well, he didn't read the letter (said he did) and that didn't work either.
Comminication is one of the most important things in a relationship.. I don't see how it can survive with out it. Mine just gets worse and worse..
I know how you feel, How flusterating it can be. Makes you feel like your not important to him.
I wish you luck!!
Second, I agree with Jake... (yep, a woman agreeing with a man for a change!) lol
I finally got my s/o to talk to me about "why" he wouldn't talk to me and he basically mirrored what Jake stated. That I am more articulate than he is and I think faster than he does when it comes to our little "debates". He even told me that I should have been an attorney, that the other side would not have been able to stand a chance!
He stated that after one of our little "debates" he is left feeling attacked.. and the sad thing is,, I can completely understand! We as women, sit and actually think about this kind of thing all day and are ready. They think about general life things and not relationship things and so therefore, when we want to have a little "talk",, they start to RUN!!!! When I mention that I need to talk, I actually have started to hear the sharp intake of breath that comes from him and have started to take pity on him and try to reassure him that I have no intention of attacking him! We then laugh and I get more out of him, than I ever did before!!
Sorry to have seemed like I was taking the male side, but, it seems to work better!
Good luck to you and please let me know how it goes!