Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm Confused, and Conflicted.
I like a guy who's 24, already has a degree in English and is back in college for a degree in Early Childhood Education. He's been to 194 places, and the list keeps growing. He's so cute, and interesting to talk to. He says that he wants to wait until he's married to have sex, but then he decided he doesnt want to get married or have sex for the rest of his life. Anyway, i mentioned that i brought some shoes for $100 dollars because i really needed them, and when he offers to pay me when i buy him lunch i refuse. So i guess he figured i had a lot of money.
He takes me to see my mentee the same day he sees his. I ride in his car, and this past wednsday he asked if i had an extra 300 dollars he could have. He wouldnt tell me what it was for until he went upstairs and got his cell phone.... But when he got back down he said it was to pay for a plane ticket to go to a convention. I said maybe, but then told him i couldnt because it upset me so much.
Should i be upset?
Should he have asked me?
I like a guy who's 24, already has a degree in English and is back in college for a degree in Early Childhood Education. He's been to 194 places, and the list keeps growing. He's so cute, and interesting to talk to. He says that he wants to wait until he's married to have sex, but then he decided he doesnt want to get married or have sex for the rest of his life. Anyway, i mentioned that i brought some shoes for $100 dollars because i really needed them, and when he offers to pay me when i buy him lunch i refuse. So i guess he figured i had a lot of money.
He takes me to see my mentee the same day he sees his. I ride in his car, and this past wednsday he asked if i had an extra 300 dollars he could have. He wouldnt tell me what it was for until he went upstairs and got his cell phone.... But when he got back down he said it was to pay for a plane ticket to go to a convention. I said maybe, but then told him i couldnt because it upset me so much.
Should i be upset?
Should he have asked me?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Basically imagine the worst case scenario for YOU with what he does with the money... and then ask yourself if its worth giving it to him.
I don't generally give money I lend it. I then assume I wont get it back so I am not disapointed.
If he took your money to see another girl, would you be ok with that?
Why doesn't he want to have sex for ever?
Are you going to be ok in this relationship if you find out he starts another relationship with someone else?
Is the pain this relationship brings you is greater then the good feelings you get from it?
No one but yourself can make yourself hurt
No real man ask a women for money unless he is trying to USE her!
If you give it to him i am sure he will not pay it back and will ask for more, again and again!
PRS
Now, Lily, all the outcomes should be laid out. You loan him this money, he pays it back rather quickly. 2nd best scenario - you loan him the money, and it will take a little bit of badgering, but eventually he pays you back. 3rd case - You loan htis to him, it is a hell of a time to get him to pay you back, you begin resenting him for using you, he begins to resent you for not "giving" the money to him, and eventualy he does pay you back andthe relationship is basically done. Worst case - He is a con artist, and this could be an initial probe to see how pliable you are.
Lending or giving money to people can really complicate things. I have been there and done that, most recently in fact. This person knew I had the money to lend to him (maybe he knew too much about me), and he was just a friend. Sometimes I wish I had not gone down that road or started it.
It CAN get complicated, but don't necessarily expect to get it back from him any time soon.
To me, this sounds curious at best - this guy...I would tread lightly and gain more experience with this individual before even soliifying my friendship (trust) with him let alone hand him money...
I do want to get married and have kids.
I also have plenty of money that i inadvertantly told him about because of the shoes, but I do also have a debt that i could pay but I'm relying on that to build my credit.
I will not give him the money, I was just confused on how to handle the situation in a healthy way. He seems to care about me, but he has a funny way of showing but I'll gain more experience with him and see how it goes. I will keep ya'll up to date!!
Thanks Again!!!