Been there...being emotionally unavailable is not a way to protect yourself. Its only a way to miss out on the joy of relationships.

People get what they give. If you close yourself off, you will attract people who do the same. Not a way to be fulfilled.

I guess to me a person can numb themselves or put up such a strong wall around them that they may be able to avoid some hurt. However by doing that if you really think about it you still are hurting inside because you are sad and unhappy and feel detached from everyone.

Believe me I know it sucks when someone you care about hurts you but that is a part of life and no matter how much we try to avoid being hurt things will just happen that will cause pain. I think everyone has a tendency to put some type of guard around them but it is how strong you make that guard is what is most important.

You don't want to go through life being detached from everyone or everything that you fear may hurt you or you are not really living life. Changing the way you feel right now is probably going to be the hardest part and it might be a good idea if you were to check into possibly talking to a counselor who can help you work through your feelings with the past hurts you have experienced and maybe even guide you in ways to handle your feelings on learning ways to trust others in ways that you feel comfortable with.

I think if you are able to get past a lot of the hurt you are already feeling now you will find a whole new world just waiting for you. Wishing you the very best:)

I am currently on the recieving end of this with my wife. I volunteered for a deployment in Afghanistan and in doing so broke my promise of never to leave her, even though it is for a short time and I am in constant contact with her every day while over there. I am now on my R&R and she has such a wall of anger and fear that I cannot get close to her, we are seaking help but I am on leave for such a short time that I am/we are missing out on a chance of love. She admits she doesn't trust anyone other than her friend, she does not want God, me, or my family. It is very painful and it feels like she wants everyone around her to feel the hurt she has and she won't forgive in order to begin the healing process. She is going through the motions to say she tries but if she cant forgive she is just wasting time, energy, and money. The first step is to stop feeling like a victim and realize that people dissapoint you and nobody is perfect. You are going to get hurt, but you need to forgive if you want to enjoy the pleasures of life. "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!"

You have been hurt in the past but because of this you treat every person after with a sense of reluctancy. I would seek professional help because there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed. Sorry about this, I am kind of venting over my situation.

"You have been hurt in the past but because of this you treat every person after with a sense of reluctancy."

These are wise words Semper. I think they apply to me. Had a brutal divorce and just ended a 1 1/2 year relationship that followed it. I broke up with her 4 times in that period. Each time, I would miss her and come back. I think now I really need time alone to sort things out. But I am numb - having just broken it off last weekend (right before Valentine's Day...my timing is awesome).

I want to give and be part of a wonderful relationship, but first I think I need some time to figure out some things about myself...

BTW Semper - think they'd take a 50 year old in good shape? I work out a lot, I'm 6-1, 160, well educated, etc. I have this strange desire to sign up.... not a whim, but a desire to serve my country and be a part of the military. I know it's dangerous as hell... but I want to help out. What do you think?

Sorry I'm a bit off topic with this post... lol

This is just how the game is played. No advocating or encuoraging anything, but when you get hurt, you end up hurting the others, the domino effect...
I survived a nasty divorce, then hurt the next guy who came my way which happened to be a very nice man, then got hurt by the second guy which was a player hunk, then I hurt couple more guys badly...
then a girl came my way, as a friend, and wanted us to be roommates, which I accepted. She gave me lots and lots of sisterly love. there did not seem to be a romantic potential at the beginning and I thought she was straight, so I let my guards down and let her be nice to me. She got me out of the hurt-n-be-hurt domino. The friendship didn't last long though cause she became obsessive about me: she was stopping me from meeting new guys, and one day caught me by surprise and kissed me on the lips.
We went our separate ways but I learned to allow the others to love me, and love them in return.

Thanks everyone, that is some great advice. I don't mean to sound negative but it's easier said than done. I have told myself countless of times that it is time but whenever I let even a hint of my guard down something bad happens and natural instincts kick in (guard goes right back up).

John--I think the age limit for joining is 42. But I might be wrong, u could talk to a recruiter (It's awesome to know that there are still people out there who want to help their country. :-)

Know how ya feel, Thamar. If I'm not apathetic, I'm sad or angry (!).

Allow yourself to feel vulnerable, and accept pain as part of what goes along with pleasure. It's what I'm trying to do. Under that apathy, there's much joy...IF you've got the balls to NOT fear getting hurt! Sink deeper...

"Balls"...forgive my inappropriate and vulgar terminology. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

we have balls too, they're just not hanging out there :DDDD

LOL! So true! Enduring the pain of childbirth requires bravery!

i meant the oavries!

That too lol.

"I....have become comfortably numb." -Roger Waters, Pink Floyd-The Wall

i agree with dr. diva #1...

I thought I was the only one who puts up that wall