It sounds like you feel that something is missing. It appears that way to me also, but not in the same way.

There are a few questions you need to ask yourself. Do you feel like there is someone out there that will make you happier in marriage or love? Are you possibly in a low grade depression? Has the death of your mother made you feel that you are afraid to love somebody again for fear of losing them?

I think you'll know what to do if you answer those questions honestly. If you don't think those questions are relevant, then it must be that you feel like you are "settling" for your current mate. That's the way your question sounded, but you need to do some self-examination to be sure.

If you are "settling", then you don't really have any choice but to confront yourself and be honest with your mate. He should be informed so he can make his own choices without depending on false information.

You know the answers better than anyone else. Try to be fair. It's much easier to separate now than to have everyone get attached for more years. Your daughter is only three right now.

If this doesn't help, then I'd sincerely recommend visiting a counselor before you get married.

I had a friend who I had a rather non-physical relationship with. He was supposed to be a b/f but i could not get any "zing" of "inloveness" feeling about him. Guess he was destined to be my best friend and not my lover. We did split, but it caused both pain an relief. He is still a great friend but had to come to terms with the fact I am not his intended. I have since met someone I am head over heals in love with. What a difference.

But differently to you, although I saw a lot of this fellow, we were not really in more than a friend relationship cos I just could not bring myself to do the physical side of things.

That's a tough one. But you have to be true to your own feelings.

what attracted you to him? what makes him unattractive now? every relationship goes through dulldrums....only you can decide if you don't love him and why, or if you've just hit a dulldrum....love is a choice, and we dont' always feel in love and on fire.....

Honey, we all get older, just like you will, and we are never as appealing as we once were. But I love my boyfriend for his essence, because it is just him. He accepts me as I am and I accept him, that is love. If you truly love each other then that is a rare thing. Talk about it or just simply buy him a membership @ a gym and make sure you give him time to go. Dye his hair. He won't care, as long as it is making you happy!

Every relationship begins to lose the 'zing' at some point in time. What is left is the rest of the picture - working together, good conversation, caring for children. I think our society places way too much emphasis on the 'in love' part and then when people get married only for that feeling, they have NOTHING left when it fades away. I would much rather spend time with someone with whom I have the important, lasting parts of a relationship. Also, you have more control over how you feel in the other department than you think. If you keep telling yourself how blessed and thankful you are to have this man, those feelings can and will be able to grow stronger.