Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Dear DS Friends,
I am Demetria from New Jersey (U.S.)...greetings one and all. I've been pretty silent in this community only because I honestly joined to CELEBRATE my love and offer advice/prayer/suggestions when sought. Not that I don't need it (we go through trials just like any couple), I just choose to seek that from GOD, close friends, and family privately and WHEN APPROPRIATE (always respect the sanctity and privacy of your relationship no matter how good or bad it may be at any given time--even when you ask advice from ppl keep it "general" and don't give out specifics, again this is to protect and preserve your relationship--you don't want too many hands stirring in YOUR pot, just a friendly word of advice to all who happen to read this). I rather wish to share what has worked for me and my beloved in a "general" way (meaning I will not give long drawn out stories/recounts or detailed essays smile) and pray that this helps others in this community.
I love relationships--I love LOVE--I love connections (including friendships/family relationships), and I've been told many times that I give great advice and say things in a loving way. Also, my beloved and I are in premarital classes right now, and we are receiving SOUND awesome advice; whether you wish to get married or not, and you just want some good relationship tips, I feel the things we are learning are helping us grow closer/stronger as a couple, so I just wanted to share them from time to time.
#1 COMMUNICATION AND HONESTY IS THE KEY
(paraphrased by me) Basically speaking, I glanced through the post topics in this community and MOST of them could be avoided or resolved by simply COMMUNICATING with the other person...CONSTRUCTIVELY that is. I learned that all couples QUARREL but is yours HEALTHY (CONSTRUCTIVE) hence the name of this community HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS? Or is yours DESTRUCTIVE one which seeks to tear down the other person and not build them up? That's a tough question and not one to ask THEM but rather YOURSELF that is why I have been doing during our premarital sessions, seeing how the different issues/topics apply to ME and what "I" can do to improve upon them.
We learned that as we ALL know men and women communicate differently, but that is OK...something to be understood not resentful of. I am a TALKER can you tell by the long post? LOL...I am SO a woman that way...blah blah blah...but my beloved is SO a man (get to the point, and he zones out if I talk too long lol)... so instead of fighting each other on this, we have learned to say: (me to him) "Honey do you want the abridged version?" LOL hey keeping it real right?! and (him to me) "Baby did that help you, being able to vent like that? Ok I am glad." That reassures me that he didn't just HEAR me he listened.
And HONESTY in our communication (our meaning us as human beings in any type of relationship) is the KEY. If you are withholding critical information or straight out LYING about anything while communicating you are just "talking" to hear yourself talk no true communication is being done and thus no real solution will come of it.
Ok I am done my sermonette; I do pray it has helped and brought healing to at least some of you. I by NO MEANS am an expert, I just enjoy learning and then sharing with others and encouraging others...we all need that. Each one teach one; thus I am a teacher by occupation too! Love ya'll God bless Good Night...reach out I love making new friends.
Demetria
I am Demetria from New Jersey (U.S.)...greetings one and all. I've been pretty silent in this community only because I honestly joined to CELEBRATE my love and offer advice/prayer/suggestions when sought. Not that I don't need it (we go through trials just like any couple), I just choose to seek that from GOD, close friends, and family privately and WHEN APPROPRIATE (always respect the sanctity and privacy of your relationship no matter how good or bad it may be at any given time--even when you ask advice from ppl keep it "general" and don't give out specifics, again this is to protect and preserve your relationship--you don't want too many hands stirring in YOUR pot, just a friendly word of advice to all who happen to read this). I rather wish to share what has worked for me and my beloved in a "general" way (meaning I will not give long drawn out stories/recounts or detailed essays smile) and pray that this helps others in this community.
I love relationships--I love LOVE--I love connections (including friendships/family relationships), and I've been told many times that I give great advice and say things in a loving way. Also, my beloved and I are in premarital classes right now, and we are receiving SOUND awesome advice; whether you wish to get married or not, and you just want some good relationship tips, I feel the things we are learning are helping us grow closer/stronger as a couple, so I just wanted to share them from time to time.
#1 COMMUNICATION AND HONESTY IS THE KEY
(paraphrased by me) Basically speaking, I glanced through the post topics in this community and MOST of them could be avoided or resolved by simply COMMUNICATING with the other person...CONSTRUCTIVELY that is. I learned that all couples QUARREL but is yours HEALTHY (CONSTRUCTIVE) hence the name of this community HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS? Or is yours DESTRUCTIVE one which seeks to tear down the other person and not build them up? That's a tough question and not one to ask THEM but rather YOURSELF that is why I have been doing during our premarital sessions, seeing how the different issues/topics apply to ME and what "I" can do to improve upon them.
We learned that as we ALL know men and women communicate differently, but that is OK...something to be understood not resentful of. I am a TALKER can you tell by the long post? LOL...I am SO a woman that way...blah blah blah...but my beloved is SO a man (get to the point, and he zones out if I talk too long lol)... so instead of fighting each other on this, we have learned to say: (me to him) "Honey do you want the abridged version?" LOL hey keeping it real right?! and (him to me) "Baby did that help you, being able to vent like that? Ok I am glad." That reassures me that he didn't just HEAR me he listened.
And HONESTY in our communication (our meaning us as human beings in any type of relationship) is the KEY. If you are withholding critical information or straight out LYING about anything while communicating you are just "talking" to hear yourself talk no true communication is being done and thus no real solution will come of it.
Ok I am done my sermonette; I do pray it has helped and brought healing to at least some of you. I by NO MEANS am an expert, I just enjoy learning and then sharing with others and encouraging others...we all need that. Each one teach one; thus I am a teacher by occupation too! Love ya'll God bless Good Night...reach out I love making new friends.
Demetria
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
And I agree with what you said. I think the problem with communication is that people think that communication is any kind of talking or raising your voice. It's not.
True communication is like you said - keeping it real and honest. Communication will naturally flow if you are honest with your own motives. It's not a difficult task to communicate with anybody if there is no fear.
Remove those preconceived ideas in your head and take what your partner says on face value. If you feel motivated to read more into something somebody says, then there is no honesty there - from one or the other.
Thanks for bring this up Demetria.
Brian