Has anyone ever run a background check on someone they were suspicious of? I had a not-so-good (ok it sucked) relationship with someone I dated. I "fell in love," whatever that actually means, I don't know, with him. I'm not sure I actually believe in that at this point. I was "crazy about him," as the saying goes, and well maybe being crazy about someone is a bad idea, because if you actually look at the wording, "crazy" that says a lot.
Well I was really into him, but he started acting incredibly strange. I had a hard time getting over it. In the past months since the breakups I've had some sleepless nights, and I just felt that there was really something missing to the puzzle. I checked his marriage record with the court, and then something pressed me to check further. He told me when we starting dating that he had debit, but I could not have imagined the situation. For a mere ten dollars I was able to purchase a background report-he has a HUGE FEDERAL TAX LIEN. When he said "debt," I was thinking, 'oh, he has credit card debt, he has a student loan, he has debt for his business." No, the tax lien was established the same month that he moved out of his ex-wife house and got a divorce. The background also reveals he moves twice a year-every year or so for the past 10 to 20 years. His missing two-year work history on his linked-in matches exactly the years of the unpaid tax. He has had his own business, so my guess is that he was evading taxes then, and he earns probably three times what I do, so if he didn't file or didn't pay taxes, it *would* be a huge tax debit.
So I was dating a white-collar criminal? Jeezus. I almost laughed when he told me on our third date that he was a narcissist. I didn't even know what that was. Now I do. I watched part of the series "Dirty John," and that is a true story about a guy who started dating a vulnerable, but very successful woman for her money. I mean I don't earn much money at all, but he asked me one day, "So does your company have money?" I was like, 'say what?' He was especially put off when he found out that I used to work a program similar to Al-Anon as I was raised around alcoholism. I didn't see why that was a bad thing. That seemed to stop him in his tracks and he disliked it and the tone of our conversations. Well of course, the Program demands insight and accountability. And, any *real* conversation about our lives might lead me to or put a spotlight on learning this. No wonder he didn't want to meet my friends. They had an actual, successful business and would probably put their fingers through the holes in the Swiss Cheese.
I have terrible judgment of people and this is why I continue to do program and therapy.