You can't tell him how to feel. About you, your family or even his family. He is responsible for his feelings. You are responsible for yours.

DO NOT attempt to NOT BE his mother.

Think about that. Learn who you are and be yourself. You are whole and complete. You're just a little lost.

If you are trying to show somebody you are NOT somebody, then you are not being yourself. Right?

Re-reading this, I realized I didn't ask my question right. Like, because of his family and mother's past, he won't talk about my own depression or my own family problems. If I tell him "I feel depressed today" he'll get annoyyed and say "why don't you know why your depressed, can't you just snap out of it?". So it makes me feel uneasy to talk about my feelings about myself to him, on this subject. Or when I talk about my family to him, he'll say something like, "do you really have to see your family for thanksgiving?". I hope that makes it more clear.

Can we do this a little differently for a second?

Why is he your boyfriend? Why are you his girlfriend? It wasn't necessary for you to say that you love him or he says he loves you. It wouldn't matter anyway because it doesn't really sound like love to me.

I will ask the same questions he does. Why are you depressed? Why don't you snap out of it?

It sounds as if he's with you because that is what he knows. He's had that situation in his family for a while. And it doesn't sound healthy for you or him.

I think you are clear on what you are asking. I'm trying to figure out why you think he has to like to talk about your family, like your family and discuss your family's issues.

I'm thinking that he doesn't do that because he doesn't know how to have a good relationship. He is involved in his own issues and isn't really concerned about the things that are important to you. I think that the same thought has crossed your mind. But you are trying to change him.

I'll tell you the secret of changing someone. Inspire them. Work on yourself. Heal yourself. Make yourself whole. I said before, you ARE whole and complete. But you don't feel that way.

Lead by example. It's obvious that's why he has you. He's trying to fill the holes in his life the same way that you are. Only you can fill those holes, not him. Show him the way. He will be inspiired and change. And that's what you want.

I know this isn't the answer you wanted. But really, did you really want somebody to give you a hug and tell you it would be alright in due time and with great hope and magic?

I get what Brian is saying. In attempting to avoid something, we inadvertently become it. I do that all the time. I say Im not going to have a bad day.and then I end up having a bad day.


But to comment on what you said above, it sounds like hes minimizing your depression because it makes HIM uncomfortable. That really has nothing to do with you. It sounds like he has his own issues to deal with when it comes to depression in general. I would deal with my own depression and see if he comes along for the ride. Thats what my mom did. She got help, dad just sat there like an ass pretending that he wasnt a part of the problem. So she learned all of these healthy tools and all of a sudden, his crap didnt work on her anymore. He caught up eventually. If your husband truly loves you, which it sounds like he does, hell figure out that his own perceptions of depression are actually prohibiting him from becoming a part of the solution.

excuse me, your boyfriend. it's been a long day.

Ok,, I really was not going to even comment on this one, because I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.. But I have a few qustions.
Why does anyone feel the need to announce to someone else that they are feeling depressed? "Real" depression is actually a chemical imbalance... now feeling sad everyonce in a while is a completely different matter and is not true depression. If his mother "really" suffers from "true" depression, why would you announce that you are depressed to him, if you are only feeling a little sad?
He has had to deal with the "real" thing all his life, therefore, can you not see that announcing to him that you are depressed is only making his past worse and before long he will get smart and run like HELL so that he does not have to end up living the rest of his life like he did as a child?
If you feel like you have "real" depression, get to a psychiatrist and get the medication to make it better!

As far as families go,, they are all weird! Everyone has the strange Uncle Bob... we all love him the best!

You should comment more often.

ps. you're only 18. i never thought i'd be someone to say that, but it's true. you have your whole life to figure out your issues and what solutions are best for you. don't worry if you don't figure stuff out right away! take your time!

I understand.. I come from a very odd family. It's actually put a few boyfriends off.
It's not about them, it's about you. You have a problem, and he refuses to deal with it. That just makes your problem worse.
You need to worry about you, and getting to a happy place in your life, not what some guy thinks.

I probebly should not have even posted, because there is too much to even explain in the question, but thank you all very much.

You are special and unique. But your problem is not. Don't attempt to complicate your life by reasoning that your situation is too difficult for anybody else to understand.

You are not alone even though you make think so.

Your right.
I guess it's just that, I've come to a point where I have to focus on me and ask for help. This past year I've taken care of my mother, since she was hit by a car. I haven't really come to terms with any of it yet, and I kind of forgot about myself. I'm now trying to start the process of taking care of myself, and I had tried to bring it up to him. Thinking about it now, I probebly wasn't the best girlfriend to him due to the situation, and how most of my energy went into helping my mom. And I also probebly should have brought it up to him differently. But thank you so much, for helping me think about this in other ways, and for the many replies.