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I enjoy an argument as long as it is with humour and is not a one-sided affair.

I think arguing can lead to a healthy outcome, as people don't always say exactly what they mean, so by arguing (or friendly extraction) the clarity of their words becomes clear.

A favourite programme of mine is Question Time, there are many arguments that take place on air, but never any violence/cursing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/question_time/default.stm

It is on in 10 minutes :-)

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That is a good question. When me and my husband fight we both go for the jugular. Not literally but you know what I mean.

respect.

maybe instead of looking for pointers on arguing in your unhealthy relationship, you should try to get into a healthy relationship.
that sounded harsh, but i hope you get my point.

People tend to have an idea of what kind of future they see for their self. And it appears they also have an idea of the future they want. Unfortunately, when those two futures are not in sync, they are unhappy. They see a drab future and they really want something else.

So you need to work on yourself. Line those futures up for your happiness.

Now your relationship. It's kind of the same thing. Sit down and talk to your significant other about what they want and see in their future. Both of you do it. It must be understood that your two futures and visions of those futures are NOT the same. Don't try to make them the same.

Now that sounds just wrong. It sounds like you aren't with your soulmate. What you both need to do is understand where each other wants to go. Line those futures up side by side. Then you are both accomplishing what you want. And you both can help each other along the way and do both of those futures together.

The problem with all of this is not trying to force an alignment between the two of you. Be honest with each other in what you really want. Allow the other person to desire something different and encourage them in their endeavors.

You'll either figure out that you shouldn't be together in the first place, or you'll see that you had the right person all along.

Personally, I don't like arguing but it's just going to happen. How can it not when people are all so different and unique, have different backgrounds and all carry different baggage with them. I have learned that arguing is not bad, when you can respect the others opinion and open your mind to the possibility that you could be wrong. To err is human...

I hope this is helpful...

I can count on one hand the times I've argued with my man, and we've been together for just over twelve months.

It goes something like this...

One will say to the other "I have a problem - do you have time to hear me now, or shall we make a time for later"

Usually, we'll discuss straight away, but sometimes its a matter of letting the partner know you're upset, but confident of being able to work it out with them, so that they don't get miffed with you being upset and not explaining why to them.

Once we've got a time, the person who brought up the issue explains what it is they're upset with - usually its being uncomfortable with a behaviour the other has exhibited. I am fortunate, in that we are both patient and don't talk over each other, so this first step is about defining what the issue is.

One general rule we have is that arguments are not personal. So no degrading the other person, no names and no abuse. The approach is more this is a problem we both need to know about to understand each other better and add to our relationship. Sometimes the problem isn't fixed straight away, or even resolved at all - but when we both know about it, we can approach it as a team, without getting defensive and hurting each other.

So don't attack in an argument - explain your position and ask your partner to explain their understanding of the situation, until you both can see what the problem is and what you can do to fix it.

Good luck!

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I thought of one rule.

Never argue with a last word freak unless you have high stamina levels :-)

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roflmao

Awake, thank you. That is what I was wondering about.

Bigbeeper...my stamina kicks ass.

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#10

I'm sure it does, but I am not a last word freak :-)

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My husband and I hardly ever argue, but we do have disagreements occasionally. The important thing is to not only listen, but to hear. There is a difference. Don't get defensive and try to justify anything, this just escalates things. Say what you really mean, and ask for a specific thing. I've been married for over 20 years, and men hate it when they have to read your mind, and you don't tell them how they can try to fix whats bothering you. Don't yell, stay calm. Don't expect perfection right away, people change gradually not overnight. Relationships are work. Working things out seems to work only when both of you are reasonable. If one of you isn't and: acts defensively, plays the blame game, listens but doesn't hear, refuses to take ownership for their part in the problem, and disregards the other person's needs and concerns, then you need professional counseling or a new mate. Just my two cents. By the way, do the men agree or disagree with my statements about what men hate. Just wondering.

In my current relationship we practice what Awake layed out. It makes a huge difference. You are able to tell the other person in a more controlled calm way why you are upset, what hurt your heart and what you would like to do about it. It takes a little of the sting out if you get what I mean.
Also there is a lot of praise and a lot of pointing out the others good points and thanking them for the nice sometimes little things they have done. I found it a bit odd and overwhelming to begine with and I am not say there are never arguments because there are, but looking at someones good points instead of the bad works wonders.